Man, I tell you what- I'm plum worn out from the holidays.
I'm back at work today (12/26) and am secretly glad about it.
The holidays are rough with foster kids. Every one of the big 3 has been a absolute or near disaster.
Halloween- costumes? score. Free lions' costume for Baby A. Made a cute black cat costume for Miss M, she wore it for a week. Day of? Diaster. We went to our friend's house to Trick or Treat in their posh neighborhood and not only did we run 45 minutes late, but we only trick or treated for 30 minutes (M tripped over her own feet and spilled all of her candy no fewer than 3 times), then back at the house, she refused to eat any of the provided food and split her lip playing with the other kids upstairs. We left early.
Thanksgiving: Baby A and I were sick. Missed half of Thanksgiving dinner, due to unconsciousness. Tried to spend the night at in-laws house. Utter hell.
Miss M fell asleep on the couch and had to be moved to a bed, which woke her up; crying ensued. Baby A wouldn't sleep in his pack and play; I got up with him, got head butted for my trouble. We both cried. Packed up and went home the next morning. Everyone slept better in their own beds.
Christmas: Multiple celebrations AT OUR HOUSE (we learned from Thanksgiving)- with former foster parents, with my folks, with G's folks and by ourselves. Only one out of the four was a near disaster.
Christmas Eve was nice- had dinner and presents with the in-laws at our place- until the very end, when Miss M, who'd been under the weather all day, had a melt-down at the end of opening presents. Just completely worn out and emotional, crying for her 'real Dad'. Which was both heartbreaking... and totally inappropriate- considering he didn't even bother to pretend that he got them Christmas gifts at his last visit. Besides, as I'm figuring out, crying for her dad is really just code for: "I'm tired and emotional, please rock me."
So I did- hustled her off to bed, soothed and petted her.
Missed Baby A walking unaccompanied, but at least she got to bed (not that she STAYED THERE. Gah.) Thank God my in-laws are the kindest, most gracious people on the planet.
Calmest by FAR was on actual Christmas Day, where we stayed, just the 4 of us, in our pajamas all day, took lots of naps, and played quietly.
~~~
I understand now why parents with young kids don't leave the house very much. It's too much fucking work and trauma to go anywhere or DO anything. Please someone tell me this gets better?
Am I doing something wrong? Are most holidays hellish? Is this a foster thing? or a little kid thing?
So yeah. I'm glad to be at work, away from the noise and emotion, mess and angst of the kiddos. Bring on the year-end paperwork.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Angel Tree with the Least of These
~crossed posted from Salvation Army Tulsa Blog~
My daughter is a 'least of these'. She's actually my foster daughter and has been in DHS custody for over a year; she and her younger brother have been with my husband and I since July of this year. They were placed with us about a week after I started my job as a grant writer here at Salvation Army. These kids are hilarious, fun, exhausting and challenging; we love it, but we are finding that we have to be very intentional about teaching them "Life Lessons,"while we can.
My husband and I have always shopped for Angels off the Angel Tree in the past, usually one for him- a boy- and one for me- a girl. This year, we have 2 little ones to buy for already, but I was loathe to give up tradition. So this year, I decided to include our foster kids.
We made it out to the Angel Tree kickoff at Promenade Mall. At age 5, Miss M (as we call her in blog-land) was unimpressed with the kickoff in general--too loud. But she did like the girls' singing group, MP3, in their matching outfits and "shiny hair."
After Kickoff, we picked out a Angel from the big tree, just her age, named "Lisbeth" and set off to pick out some gifts for "her Angel."
At first, she did a great job of picking out toys. She "ennie meenie mineie mo'd" between which Baby Alive doll 'Lisbeth' was to get- Hair Salon Baby Alive or Magic Meals Baby Alive.
Hair Salon, duh.
But she struggled a bit with stocking stuffers, as we picked out Hello Kitty stickers and pencils and Disney princess playing cards. I gently asked her if she was picking out things for herself or for Lisbeth, and she admitted they were for her. But soon we were back on the right track.
~~~~~~
Every time we added something to the bag, we would talk a little about what we were doing and why. In my own blundering, non-parental way, I tied to impress on her how it is important to share what she has, to be grateful for those who love her and that there is always someone who has less than you do.
Miss M is pretty smart, but I think the literal and logistics of the Angel Tree, may have gotten blurry during our conversations. She asked me, the day I went to take the Angel Tree bag in to work, "How will she get them {the toys}, up in Heaven?" I stifled a giggle and tried to explain that our "Angel" was a real girl, just like her, and that she needed extra toys and we were like her personal Santa! How fun!
Santa, she understood.
And boy, I felt like Santa, when I went to check in and shelve Lisbeth's Angel bag.
I walked past row after row of shelves, 3 levels high, with toy bags packed in, till I found Lisbeth's family bag.
Turns out, she's the youngest of 4 girls. And her bag was the last one to be added to the families' bag. Those lovely little girls would all get all their hearts desired, thanks to people they didn't know.
As I marked the bag tag with a big "C" for "Complete," I felt the warehouse dust prick my nose. And eyes. Lots of tear-inducing dust in the warehouse.
~~~~
And I don't know about you, but I've been near tears many times since (including today, as I wrote this post), thinking about the poor babies in Newtown, Connecticut. So close in age to Miss M and Lisbeth and so many of my friends' kids. So close to Christmas. Lodged in our hearts and the back of our throats.
But as a donor said to me this afternoon, as I took her donation for the Angel Tree over the phone, "it's the least I can do for kids in need, especially this Christmas."
So, do what you can. Shine a light in the dark. There is always someone more in need than you. Miss M can attest.
--Vicki
My daughter is a 'least of these'. She's actually my foster daughter and has been in DHS custody for over a year; she and her younger brother have been with my husband and I since July of this year. They were placed with us about a week after I started my job as a grant writer here at Salvation Army. These kids are hilarious, fun, exhausting and challenging; we love it, but we are finding that we have to be very intentional about teaching them "Life Lessons,"while we can.
My husband and I have always shopped for Angels off the Angel Tree in the past, usually one for him- a boy- and one for me- a girl. This year, we have 2 little ones to buy for already, but I was loathe to give up tradition. So this year, I decided to include our foster kids.
We made it out to the Angel Tree kickoff at Promenade Mall. At age 5, Miss M (as we call her in blog-land) was unimpressed with the kickoff in general--too loud. But she did like the girls' singing group, MP3, in their matching outfits and "shiny hair."
 |
| MP3 girls group at the Angel Tree Kickoff (11/17/12) |
After Kickoff, we picked out a Angel from the big tree, just her age, named "Lisbeth" and set off to pick out some gifts for "her Angel."
At first, she did a great job of picking out toys. She "ennie meenie mineie mo'd" between which Baby Alive doll 'Lisbeth' was to get- Hair Salon Baby Alive or Magic Meals Baby Alive.
Hair Salon, duh.
But she struggled a bit with stocking stuffers, as we picked out Hello Kitty stickers and pencils and Disney princess playing cards. I gently asked her if she was picking out things for herself or for Lisbeth, and she admitted they were for her. But soon we were back on the right track.
~~~~~~
Every time we added something to the bag, we would talk a little about what we were doing and why. In my own blundering, non-parental way, I tied to impress on her how it is important to share what she has, to be grateful for those who love her and that there is always someone who has less than you do.
 |
| M's letter to her Angel |
Miss M is pretty smart, but I think the literal and logistics of the Angel Tree, may have gotten blurry during our conversations. She asked me, the day I went to take the Angel Tree bag in to work, "How will she get them {the toys}, up in Heaven?" I stifled a giggle and tried to explain that our "Angel" was a real girl, just like her, and that she needed extra toys and we were like her personal Santa! How fun!
Santa, she understood.
And boy, I felt like Santa, when I went to check in and shelve Lisbeth's Angel bag.
I walked past row after row of shelves, 3 levels high, with toy bags packed in, till I found Lisbeth's family bag.
Turns out, she's the youngest of 4 girls. And her bag was the last one to be added to the families' bag. Those lovely little girls would all get all their hearts desired, thanks to people they didn't know.
As I marked the bag tag with a big "C" for "Complete," I felt the warehouse dust prick my nose. And eyes. Lots of tear-inducing dust in the warehouse.
~~~~
And I don't know about you, but I've been near tears many times since (including today, as I wrote this post), thinking about the poor babies in Newtown, Connecticut. So close in age to Miss M and Lisbeth and so many of my friends' kids. So close to Christmas. Lodged in our hearts and the back of our throats.
But as a donor said to me this afternoon, as I took her donation for the Angel Tree over the phone, "it's the least I can do for kids in need, especially this Christmas."
So, do what you can. Shine a light in the dark. There is always someone more in need than you. Miss M can attest.
--Vicki
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thanksgiving
I'm thankful for my family-- in-laws, parents, assorted nieces, nephews and grandparent who love on, care for and celebrate Miss M and Baby A every chance they get.
A year ago we proudly hosted Thanksgiving in our newly remodeled house and fielded questions about our DHS home study and training classes.
This year, we gratefully decamped to Nana's house, where everyone giggled over the baby shoveling turkey and dressing into his little ravenous maw, and marveled at Miss M's dexterity at handling the scissors in an after dinner craft project with my sister.
(And we won't talk about the late night repercussions of an off-kilter eating and sleeping schedule.)
What a difference a year makes, indeed. It's been a for better and worse kind of deal, but I'm thankful for the experience and these kids, nonetheless
Pic: G's 92 year old grandpa, lovin on Baby A.
A year ago we proudly hosted Thanksgiving in our newly remodeled house and fielded questions about our DHS home study and training classes.
This year, we gratefully decamped to Nana's house, where everyone giggled over the baby shoveling turkey and dressing into his little ravenous maw, and marveled at Miss M's dexterity at handling the scissors in an after dinner craft project with my sister.
(And we won't talk about the late night repercussions of an off-kilter eating and sleeping schedule.)
What a difference a year makes, indeed. It's been a for better and worse kind of deal, but I'm thankful for the experience and these kids, nonetheless
Pic: G's 92 year old grandpa, lovin on Baby A.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Attitude of Gratitude
A few months ago, we had a sermon series on tithing, and all I could think about was teaching Miss M to give...my parents taught me to tithe & give when I was a little girl, and it has been a part of my life since I was 5 or 6. It's a big part of being a good steward, in Christian terminology, or just a plain old good citizen, I feel, to save some of your income and give some away.
Also, Thanksgiving is coming up and many of my friends are actively counting their blessings in daily status updates. Cultivating gratitude is indeed a daily exercise.
Frankly, though thankfulness can be a hard row to hoe when everyone else seems to have lots to be thankful for and I can't seem to get well enough to think straight! (Damn you, flu season )
~~~~
Along these lines, my mantra has been for the past several years: "Comparison is the thief of joy." This phrase has helped jealsous ol me through many a friend getting pregnant! I refuse to compare my family's situation with others. It not only steals my joy, but sours the happiness I have FOR them.
Another way of looking at this is that there is always someone who is gonna be better off than you, but likewise, someone who is likely worse off than you, no matter who low you fall!
All of this combines in my mind to come up with the question:
Miss M and Baby A are comparatively lucky: they is no longer in an abusive situation, and they are massively loved--by us, by their teachers, by their former foster parents, by a passel of friends and church workers-- and BONUS, have a parent that wants themback and is actively working to fulfill the obligations that DHS has required of them.
I want to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in Miss M. Right now, she's pretty selfish and "me me me"--typical 5 year old behavior, I know. BUT, that's my job as 'mom for now", to teach her the things her own mom should be teaching her. That the holidays aren't just about presents, but about caring for others, about giving as much as getting.
~~~~
I work for Salvation Army and we are in high gear already with Christmas- Angel Trees launch tomorrow and so do the Red Kettles.
I'm excited to take Miss M shopping for another child, one who won't get presents, if not for Angel Tree.
~~~~~
What do you do, friends, to encourage giving and gratefulness in your children?
~~~~
p.s. find out more about Angel Tree, check out SalArmyTulsa on FB.
Also, Thanksgiving is coming up and many of my friends are actively counting their blessings in daily status updates. Cultivating gratitude is indeed a daily exercise.
Frankly, though thankfulness can be a hard row to hoe when everyone else seems to have lots to be thankful for and I can't seem to get well enough to think straight! (Damn you, flu season )
~~~~
Another way of looking at this is that there is always someone who is gonna be better off than you, but likewise, someone who is likely worse off than you, no matter who low you fall!
All of this combines in my mind to come up with the question:
How do I teach my foster kids to give,
even when they ARE The "least of these"?
Miss M and Baby A are comparatively lucky: they is no longer in an abusive situation, and they are massively loved--by us, by their teachers, by their former foster parents, by a passel of friends and church workers-- and BONUS, have a parent that wants themback and is actively working to fulfill the obligations that DHS has required of them.
I want to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in Miss M. Right now, she's pretty selfish and "me me me"--typical 5 year old behavior, I know. BUT, that's my job as 'mom for now", to teach her the things her own mom should be teaching her. That the holidays aren't just about presents, but about caring for others, about giving as much as getting.
~~~~
I'm excited to take Miss M shopping for another child, one who won't get presents, if not for Angel Tree.
~~~~~
What do you do, friends, to encourage giving and gratefulness in your children?
~~~~
p.s. find out more about Angel Tree, check out SalArmyTulsa on FB.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Guilt
Things I feel guilty about, presented without comment:
1. Submitting the kids for DHS Christmas gift program.
2. Signing up miss M for Free and Reduced lunch program.
3. Taking advantage of the daycare being open till 6, by running errands or catching a power nap in the parking lot.
4. Feeling a sliver of empathy for Baby A's abuser. God, when that kid screams he absolutely rattles my brains.
5. Neglecting quality time with my husband for quality time with my pillow.
Yeah.
1. Submitting the kids for DHS Christmas gift program.
2. Signing up miss M for Free and Reduced lunch program.
3. Taking advantage of the daycare being open till 6, by running errands or catching a power nap in the parking lot.
4. Feeling a sliver of empathy for Baby A's abuser. God, when that kid screams he absolutely rattles my brains.
5. Neglecting quality time with my husband for quality time with my pillow.
Yeah.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Happy Baby
Baby A contines to grow & thrive- he is active, curious, and most of all, happy! After weeks of teething, he seems to trading whining for laughing.
He wakes up happy, joyous, grinning and mugging for us from changing table to high chair.
He's delighted to gobble up bananas, pears, Cheerios, you name it! And then squawk and bang his tray for more!
He giggles with glee to see his teachers at Daycare and they are happy to see him too.
~~~
Although, by the end of the day, when I pick him (& Miss M of course) he's pretty much done. He'll play for a bit, but the closer it gets to six, the crankier he gets. Bed by 7,7:30 & he's down for the count.
A solid 12 hours & he's good to go!
~~~
I love to tickle his feet to get a smile.
Bench press him to the sky to get a shriek of glee.
And snuggle him tight to get a delighted squeal.
He's a curious, easy going, generally happy kid. We're so lucky to have him around.
He wakes up happy, joyous, grinning and mugging for us from changing table to high chair.
He's delighted to gobble up bananas, pears, Cheerios, you name it! And then squawk and bang his tray for more!
He giggles with glee to see his teachers at Daycare and they are happy to see him too.
~~~
Although, by the end of the day, when I pick him (& Miss M of course) he's pretty much done. He'll play for a bit, but the closer it gets to six, the crankier he gets. Bed by 7,7:30 & he's down for the count.
A solid 12 hours & he's good to go!
~~~
I love to tickle his feet to get a smile.
Bench press him to the sky to get a shriek of glee.
And snuggle him tight to get a delighted squeal.
He's a curious, easy going, generally happy kid. We're so lucky to have him around.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Hi, Yes & Yes readers!
Welcome- lots has changed since I wrote the interview for Yes & Yes.
Our first foster placement (boys, 6&8, referred to here as Big Bro & Little Bro) went home in June & we got a 2nd placement a few weeks later!- a little girl, 5, & her baby brother, 18 months.
The little girl is Miss M & the baby, Baby A.
We're not allowed to post identifying information, hence the code names & back of the head pictures.
Fostering continues to be challenging, but such an adventure! I hope you'll check out some of my past posts and leave a comment! Thanks for stopping by!
Our first foster placement (boys, 6&8, referred to here as Big Bro & Little Bro) went home in June & we got a 2nd placement a few weeks later!- a little girl, 5, & her baby brother, 18 months.
The little girl is Miss M & the baby, Baby A.
We're not allowed to post identifying information, hence the code names & back of the head pictures.
Fostering continues to be challenging, but such an adventure! I hope you'll check out some of my past posts and leave a comment! Thanks for stopping by!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Kid free weekend
Hallelujah! We got a break this weekend from Miss M & Baby A! An honest-to-God break.
Their former foster parents (who I've taken to calling their 'foster grandparents') wanted to borrow them for an overnight visit, for BOTH Friday & Saturday. Amazing!
They picked them up from daycare Friday afternoon & brought them back Sunday afternoon.
Greg & I got two whole days to sleep and wake up on OUR schedule, eat when WE were hungry, shop at Target in an extremely leisurely pace, putter, do some chores, go see a movie, etc. It was divine.
But darned if by Sunday morning we didn't miss those munchkins.
We were so glad to see them, even though we had to put them to bed early (baby A fell asleep during dinner, in his high chair) & this morning was rough for Miss M.
We're glad to get back in the swing of things, rested up & ready to rumble.
Their former foster parents (who I've taken to calling their 'foster grandparents') wanted to borrow them for an overnight visit, for BOTH Friday & Saturday. Amazing!
They picked them up from daycare Friday afternoon & brought them back Sunday afternoon.
Greg & I got two whole days to sleep and wake up on OUR schedule, eat when WE were hungry, shop at Target in an extremely leisurely pace, putter, do some chores, go see a movie, etc. It was divine.
But darned if by Sunday morning we didn't miss those munchkins.
We were so glad to see them, even though we had to put them to bed early (baby A fell asleep during dinner, in his high chair) & this morning was rough for Miss M.
We're glad to get back in the swing of things, rested up & ready to rumble.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
S(lee)plicity
Miss M often has a hard time falling asleep. We have an elaborate bedtime ritual that involves bedtime stories, fresh sippy cup of water, rubbing her back, double-checking the nightlight, etc. And then often she'll come complain of not being able to sleep, after she's been in bed for 10 whole minutes. It's frustrating, to say the least.
However, I've added a new technique to my arsenal, courtesy of "Yo Gabba Gabba."
Courtesy of a song called, "I can't sleep", we learned to visualize "happy thoughts". So last night, we laid together in the semi-dark of her bottom bunk and made the following list of things that make us happy:
Rainbows (her)
Kitty cats (her)
Riding bikes (her)
Walking Lola (me)
SWIMMING (her)
grapes (her)
Strawberries (me)
Coloring (her)
Swinging in a hammock (me)
Swinging in a kids' sized hammock (her)
New clothes (both)
Donuts with pink frosting (her)
Singing loud in the car (both- its our new thing)
Sweet sweet sleepy girl, now GO TO SLEEP!
However, I've added a new technique to my arsenal, courtesy of "Yo Gabba Gabba."
Courtesy of a song called, "I can't sleep", we learned to visualize "happy thoughts". So last night, we laid together in the semi-dark of her bottom bunk and made the following list of things that make us happy:
Rainbows (her)
Kitty cats (her)
Riding bikes (her)
Walking Lola (me)
SWIMMING (her)
grapes (her)
Strawberries (me)
Coloring (her)
Swinging in a hammock (me)
Swinging in a kids' sized hammock (her)
New clothes (both)
Donuts with pink frosting (her)
Singing loud in the car (both- its our new thing)
Sweet sweet sleepy girl, now GO TO SLEEP!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Update on Baby A
Baby A shouldn't be here.
He was so drastically abused before he and Miss M entered DHS, that his survival and now, recovery is nothing short of miraculous.
He had/has brain damage from his abuse and as a consequence, is delayed in some areas of his development, particularly, his physical development.
He is 16 months, but doesn't walk yet.
The right side of his body was paralyzed; and is still delayed.
But! Since he resumed physical/occupational therapy a few weeks ago, he has progressed immensely!
He used to refuse to hold his own bottle, but now handles a sippy cup with ease!
Baby food? Pssh! He devours whole bananas & gobbles down gram crackers!
Weak right side? Still a little, but he can clap, and eat, and grab with both now.
Crawling? Yes, with a vengeance, but he's 16 months! He should be walking. But now, within the last week, he's started pulling up, on everything!
It's so startling, to walk by his room after nap time and see him standing in his crib, like, "hey lady, you gonna let me out?"
He is a joy and a delight and so smart. He is thriving and we couldn't be more thrilled.
Soon I imagine he'll be walking and we'll really be in for an adventure!
He was so drastically abused before he and Miss M entered DHS, that his survival and now, recovery is nothing short of miraculous.
He had/has brain damage from his abuse and as a consequence, is delayed in some areas of his development, particularly, his physical development.
He is 16 months, but doesn't walk yet.
The right side of his body was paralyzed; and is still delayed.
But! Since he resumed physical/occupational therapy a few weeks ago, he has progressed immensely!
He used to refuse to hold his own bottle, but now handles a sippy cup with ease!
Baby food? Pssh! He devours whole bananas & gobbles down gram crackers!
Weak right side? Still a little, but he can clap, and eat, and grab with both now.
Crawling? Yes, with a vengeance, but he's 16 months! He should be walking. But now, within the last week, he's started pulling up, on everything!
It's so startling, to walk by his room after nap time and see him standing in his crib, like, "hey lady, you gonna let me out?"
He is a joy and a delight and so smart. He is thriving and we couldn't be more thrilled.
Soon I imagine he'll be walking and we'll really be in for an adventure!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Little Liar
Turns out our girl Miss M has developed a lying streak. Last week she told me that she got to visit her "real Dad," on a day that she doesn't usually go for visits. At first I was just confused, but my suspicions were further raised by the fact that she said they went to go visit her "real mom" in the hospital. Which is pretty impossible considering her mom is in jail.
Then yesterday, I when I picked her up from daycare, the first words out of her mouth were "I've been a good girl today." I already had Baby A in my arms, so I rather distractedly said "I know, that's good baby" and herded her towards the car.
But later at home, she kept repeating that sentiment that she was a good girl so I probed a little bit deeper and asked her "why were you a good girl? What made you be a good girl?"
To which she replied, unhelpfully, "I don't know." Hmmm, okay.
The puzzle was unlocked this morning when Greg got back from taking her to school. Turns out they had a substitute yesterday and Miss M was NOT a good girl at all, in fact she ran away from the substitute at one point, down the halls of the school!
Me thinks the little girl doth protest too much!
Good to know that although she has a tendency to lie, she's not very good at it. I hope that we can nip the lying thing in the bud, but she doesn't seem to really grasp the concept of WHY lying is a bad thing or understand the idea of consequences...she's very dismissive of our attempts to explain it. I hope that restarting therapy will be useful in this aspect. Until then, we've got our eye on you, Missy!
Then yesterday, I when I picked her up from daycare, the first words out of her mouth were "I've been a good girl today." I already had Baby A in my arms, so I rather distractedly said "I know, that's good baby" and herded her towards the car.
But later at home, she kept repeating that sentiment that she was a good girl so I probed a little bit deeper and asked her "why were you a good girl? What made you be a good girl?"
To which she replied, unhelpfully, "I don't know." Hmmm, okay.
The puzzle was unlocked this morning when Greg got back from taking her to school. Turns out they had a substitute yesterday and Miss M was NOT a good girl at all, in fact she ran away from the substitute at one point, down the halls of the school!
Me thinks the little girl doth protest too much!
Good to know that although she has a tendency to lie, she's not very good at it. I hope that we can nip the lying thing in the bud, but she doesn't seem to really grasp the concept of WHY lying is a bad thing or understand the idea of consequences...she's very dismissive of our attempts to explain it. I hope that restarting therapy will be useful in this aspect. Until then, we've got our eye on you, Missy!
Elebration!
This past weekend we took Miss M and Baby A to the Tulsa Zoo. We went for "Elebration", which is the zoo's annual celebration of the elephant herd's birthday- group celebration I guess.
They have special events set up throughout the day and we were fortunate to get to see a painting demonstration, by the elephants!! I think that Greg and I enjoyed it more then Miss M, who lost interest about 15 minutes in. Fortunately, I had a bag of snacks ready for just such an occasion; I am getting better at this mom thing!
After we watched the amazing painting pachyderms, we went to ride the train and check out the new sea lion exhibit & visit the penguin exhibit too.
Miss M's favorite part of the whole day though, was when we went to the children's zoo and she got to not only pet, but brush and care for the resident sheep and goats.
It cracked me up because she was so fearless about it, she just walked right up to those goats and gave 5 or 6 of them a good brushing. She was fearless!
Baby A on the other hand was just pretty chill whole day; he liked looking at all of the animals but was, of course, just along for the ride. Haha.
On our way out, we did stop at the gift shop and buy a few souvenirs; we definitely got Baby A a zebra onesie that had a tail on it (!). And Miss M of course opted for a hot pink and purple combo "Wild Girl" binoculars.
I love giving the foster kids a" first" experience; it's one of the few purely fun parts of this fostering parent gig. For example, the boys had never been to the lake before nor have they ever been to an art museum or a Drillers (minor league) baseball game. Miss M had never been to a zoo, so it was pretty cute to see her freak out over animals she had only seen in books- like the lions & tigers. I hope she has good memories of our adventure to the zoo; I know that Greg and I sure enjoyed ourselves!
They have special events set up throughout the day and we were fortunate to get to see a painting demonstration, by the elephants!! I think that Greg and I enjoyed it more then Miss M, who lost interest about 15 minutes in. Fortunately, I had a bag of snacks ready for just such an occasion; I am getting better at this mom thing!
After we watched the amazing painting pachyderms, we went to ride the train and check out the new sea lion exhibit & visit the penguin exhibit too.
Miss M's favorite part of the whole day though, was when we went to the children's zoo and she got to not only pet, but brush and care for the resident sheep and goats.
It cracked me up because she was so fearless about it, she just walked right up to those goats and gave 5 or 6 of them a good brushing. She was fearless!
Baby A on the other hand was just pretty chill whole day; he liked looking at all of the animals but was, of course, just along for the ride. Haha.
On our way out, we did stop at the gift shop and buy a few souvenirs; we definitely got Baby A a zebra onesie that had a tail on it (!). And Miss M of course opted for a hot pink and purple combo "Wild Girl" binoculars.
I love giving the foster kids a" first" experience; it's one of the few purely fun parts of this fostering parent gig. For example, the boys had never been to the lake before nor have they ever been to an art museum or a Drillers (minor league) baseball game. Miss M had never been to a zoo, so it was pretty cute to see her freak out over animals she had only seen in books- like the lions & tigers. I hope she has good memories of our adventure to the zoo; I know that Greg and I sure enjoyed ourselves!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Focus
This little lady may not be able to sit through a whole episode of Cat in the Hat or listen to a story longer than a "Bear book" (Bernstein Bears, obvs), but she's got all the focus in the world when it comes to painting.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
The Worst Night of my Life
We began considering foster care In Fall 2011, shortly after I was diagnosed with PCOS a hormonal imbalance that can potentially cause infertility.
We knew that it would take us time to get pregnant on our own, if at all, and we felt like foster care and adoption were part of the overall Plan for our family anyway; why not move forward and begin to make a difference in kids' lives, regardless of whether we had our own kid or not.
Thats the objective context; the actual context is that I still desperately wanted a baby of my "own" & despite my PCOS, had been carefully tracking my cycles, etc. Until July, when Miss M & Baby A got placed with us (& our world...imploded).
~~~~~
What began as "back cramps" after a Labor Day cookout ended in the ER at 4am.
What began as a shivering, wrenching, bloody ordeal in the privacy of my home ended with 15 minutes in triage, 5 hours waiting in an exam room for the only ER doctor, still bleeding.
What began as a missed period, or two, (damn wonky PCOS) ended as a pregnancy so new I couldn't tell them how far along I was.
The doctor said, "Congrats- you are/were pregnant- now let's see if it's still viable."
3 ultrasounds and the longest hour of my life, to find out my first pregnancy was indeed a miscarriage.
What began as weeks of laughing off Miss M's questions about whether I had a baby in my belly, and a sense of "I should really take a pregnancy test" ended 10 hours after being discharged with Greg admitting he thought I was pregnant too- but kept talking himself out of it.
What began with apologetic phone calls to parents for advice ended with family and friends descending on our house in support- to stay with the sleeping foster kiddos, to take the kids for the day, to bring dinner, to bring flowers, to bring muffins & hugs.
What began as disbelief ended in hope: "there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning".
~~~~
Am still at home recovering; have an appointment with my OBGYN tomorrow to follow up.
Miss M & Baby A were my only motivations to get out of bed today.
I know miscarriages are common & often unexplained, but any words of encouragement are much appreciated.
We knew that it would take us time to get pregnant on our own, if at all, and we felt like foster care and adoption were part of the overall Plan for our family anyway; why not move forward and begin to make a difference in kids' lives, regardless of whether we had our own kid or not.
Thats the objective context; the actual context is that I still desperately wanted a baby of my "own" & despite my PCOS, had been carefully tracking my cycles, etc. Until July, when Miss M & Baby A got placed with us (& our world...imploded).
~~~~~
What began as "back cramps" after a Labor Day cookout ended in the ER at 4am.
What began as a shivering, wrenching, bloody ordeal in the privacy of my home ended with 15 minutes in triage, 5 hours waiting in an exam room for the only ER doctor, still bleeding.
What began as a missed period, or two, (damn wonky PCOS) ended as a pregnancy so new I couldn't tell them how far along I was.
The doctor said, "Congrats- you are/were pregnant- now let's see if it's still viable."
3 ultrasounds and the longest hour of my life, to find out my first pregnancy was indeed a miscarriage.
What began as weeks of laughing off Miss M's questions about whether I had a baby in my belly, and a sense of "I should really take a pregnancy test" ended 10 hours after being discharged with Greg admitting he thought I was pregnant too- but kept talking himself out of it.
What began with apologetic phone calls to parents for advice ended with family and friends descending on our house in support- to stay with the sleeping foster kiddos, to take the kids for the day, to bring dinner, to bring flowers, to bring muffins & hugs.
What began as disbelief ended in hope: "there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning".
~~~~
Am still at home recovering; have an appointment with my OBGYN tomorrow to follow up.
Miss M & Baby A were my only motivations to get out of bed today.
I know miscarriages are common & often unexplained, but any words of encouragement are much appreciated.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Horrifying
So little kids are the grossest ever.
Between Miss M's extended tummy troubles (due to school lunches, we think? Maybe?) & Baby A THROWING UP yesterday in the pediatrician's exam room (how long has this been going on? Uh, just now)...I'm thoroughly grossed out by bodily functions of humans, especially these little ones. Ick.
Between Miss M's extended tummy troubles (due to school lunches, we think? Maybe?) & Baby A THROWING UP yesterday in the pediatrician's exam room (how long has this been going on? Uh, just now)...I'm thoroughly grossed out by bodily functions of humans, especially these little ones. Ick.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
My favorite part
Weekend mornings: baby
Cooing in bed, dog trying
To wrestle and Play
Missy making a
nest of pillows and watching
"shows" on the iPad.
Cooing in bed, dog trying
To wrestle and Play
Missy making a
nest of pillows and watching
"shows" on the iPad.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Birthdays & other celebrations
We've been operating on radio silence for the past few weeks here at the blog, not because nothing's going on but rather, the opposite.
I've been overwhelmed by how much we are still actively engaged in getting the kids settled in. Particularly, Miss M.
Just this last week, we:
Met with Baby A's physical therapist
Approved a visit with the kids' Papa
Went school uniform shopping (Kindergarten for Miss M!!)
Went school supply shopping
Bought birthday presents
Ordered cake & sandwiches
Registered Miss M for school
Met her teacher
And scheduled an appointment for M's physiologist to come to the house.
Oh yeah, and spent Thursday morning at the Urgent Care, because both the kiddos have upper respiratory infections.
Which they did not get from me, although I've been sick too. First with strep then with ragweed allergies. And since I was not EVEN aware that baby's cant get strep, we spent 2.5 miserable hours at Urgent Care. (now taking pediatrician referrals, thanksverymuch).
So yeah. Been busy!
Then we had M & I's joint birthday party on Saturday at our neighborhood pool (rescheduled from late July, when I was in the throes of strep). And although we got to swim & had cake & presents & were surrounded by friends, family, etc., I had to laugh when a drought-ending thunderstorm rolled in & broke up the party (but only 30 minutes early)!
Crazy.
Wild.
Thrilling.
Exhausting.
Hilarious.
That's our world with Baby A & Miss M.
~~~~~~~~
We couldn't do it without help & support from our friends & family.
Thank you for all the hand me downs of clothes, of toys, of jumper roos, of pink shoes for a little girl you've never met.
Thank you for the words of wisdom, for the hugs of encouragement, for engaging with the worlds bossiest little girl, for smooching on that baby, & for understanding when I call in sick.
Honestly, these kids have made question my own sanity & reasons for EVER wanting kids of my own...BUT either way, I'm so amazed by this community of church friends, neighbors, in-laws, old college roommates, grad school drinking buddies, longtime friends & virtual strangers that are supporting us in this fosterhood journey.
You are awesome.
(Please don't stop!)
I've been overwhelmed by how much we are still actively engaged in getting the kids settled in. Particularly, Miss M.
Just this last week, we:
Met with Baby A's physical therapist
Approved a visit with the kids' Papa
Went school uniform shopping (Kindergarten for Miss M!!)
Went school supply shopping
Bought birthday presents
Ordered cake & sandwiches
Registered Miss M for school
Met her teacher
And scheduled an appointment for M's physiologist to come to the house.
Oh yeah, and spent Thursday morning at the Urgent Care, because both the kiddos have upper respiratory infections.
Which they did not get from me, although I've been sick too. First with strep then with ragweed allergies. And since I was not EVEN aware that baby's cant get strep, we spent 2.5 miserable hours at Urgent Care. (now taking pediatrician referrals, thanksverymuch).
So yeah. Been busy!
Then we had M & I's joint birthday party on Saturday at our neighborhood pool (rescheduled from late July, when I was in the throes of strep). And although we got to swim & had cake & presents & were surrounded by friends, family, etc., I had to laugh when a drought-ending thunderstorm rolled in & broke up the party (but only 30 minutes early)!
Crazy.
Wild.
Thrilling.
Exhausting.
Hilarious.
That's our world with Baby A & Miss M.
~~~~~~~~
We couldn't do it without help & support from our friends & family.
Thank you for all the hand me downs of clothes, of toys, of jumper roos, of pink shoes for a little girl you've never met.
Thank you for the words of wisdom, for the hugs of encouragement, for engaging with the worlds bossiest little girl, for smooching on that baby, & for understanding when I call in sick.
Honestly, these kids have made question my own sanity & reasons for EVER wanting kids of my own...BUT either way, I'm so amazed by this community of church friends, neighbors, in-laws, old college roommates, grad school drinking buddies, longtime friends & virtual strangers that are supporting us in this fosterhood journey.
You are awesome.
(Please don't stop!)
Friday, August 3, 2012
Bath time!
The last few weeks have really not been worth talking about: lots of gross illness, not limited to but including Strep, Hacking, Coughing & Vomiting, randomly assigned to various family members, including me.
I do have a Halloween post upcoming, but just wanted to share a moment if pure joy. They have been few and far between the past few weeks!
~~~~
I tell you what, Baby A sure loves taking a bath.
He loves splashing in the water, grinning at the baby reflected in the spout and tonight he was mesmerized for several minutes by the water slowly dripping from the spout.
So funny. So joyous.
I got caught up in watching him splash & shriek, lost in his cheerful spluttering and squawking.
~~~~
Here he is in his Dino towel!
Splashasorus Rex!
I do have a Halloween post upcoming, but just wanted to share a moment if pure joy. They have been few and far between the past few weeks!
~~~~
I tell you what, Baby A sure loves taking a bath.
He loves splashing in the water, grinning at the baby reflected in the spout and tonight he was mesmerized for several minutes by the water slowly dripping from the spout.
So funny. So joyous.
I got caught up in watching him splash & shriek, lost in his cheerful spluttering and squawking.
~~~~
Here he is in his Dino towel!
Splashasorus Rex!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
The Baby
This baby was supposed to be "really easy, really good". And he is, the majority of the time.
Except for when he's teething. Then he's a jerk who cries for no reason. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but this week....it made me cry too.. Why? Because I have strep throat. Of course I do!
I actually postponed my 30th Birthday party this Saturday (we won't talk about the day itself), because of said illness. And have spent the past 4 days bemoaning my fate...and glaring at the baby for usurping my position as most pitiful person in the house. Dang baby.
Otherwise, yes, he's great- sweet, goofy, sleeps a lot, eats well, loves to swim and generally charms everyone.
We like him. We're keeping him. And his sister.
Yup. Permanent placement, ho!
Except for when he's teething. Then he's a jerk who cries for no reason. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but this week....it made me cry too.. Why? Because I have strep throat. Of course I do!
I actually postponed my 30th Birthday party this Saturday (we won't talk about the day itself), because of said illness. And have spent the past 4 days bemoaning my fate...and glaring at the baby for usurping my position as most pitiful person in the house. Dang baby.
Otherwise, yes, he's great- sweet, goofy, sleeps a lot, eats well, loves to swim and generally charms everyone.
We like him. We're keeping him. And his sister.
Yup. Permanent placement, ho!
Giggles
Uh-oh.
Lady M is growing on me.
I love the silly faces she makes.
I am charmed by her unbidden "thank-you's" for snacks & toys.
I adore her long glossy black hair.
I am amused by her bossiness.
I am impressed with her powers of observation & questions.
And I don't even mind her "sleepy sillies" and incessant giggling during story time, because it's just too cute.
Better enjoy her while I can.
Lady M is growing on me.
I love the silly faces she makes.
I am charmed by her unbidden "thank-you's" for snacks & toys.
I adore her long glossy black hair.
I am amused by her bossiness.
I am impressed with her powers of observation & questions.
And I don't even mind her "sleepy sillies" and incessant giggling during story time, because it's just too cute.
Better enjoy her while I can.
Childcare
I have never had the distinct pleasure that is locating childcare until yesterday.
Lady M & Baby A's daycare faculty was located in Collinsville and after 2 days of driving 25 miles each way for drop-off & pick-up, I had to admit that it'd be a whole whole lot easier to find daycare slightly closer to home.
Unfortunately, because they weren't supposed to stay with us past the weekend, I don't have a DHS childcare co-pay card and no one would take them without one. Called close to 10 different daycares before I found one that a) took both infants & 4 year olds b) had openings for both c) would allow me to "backswipe" the card once Ingot it.
And although I really really hated to take the kids somewhere new, I just couldn't swing the drive (which caused me to be massively late to work on Monday- thank goodness for a understanding boss- hi L!).
But to be honest, as I dropped off the kids this morning, I was a little leery of the joint. There are kids swarming everywhere, the toys are well-worn, sign-in sheets are handwritten. Nothing wrong with any of that, but it's much different from the place they were at in Collinsville (teachers in scrubs, daily feeding/diapering chart for Baby, well lit and airy).
Hmm. We'll see.
I hope I don't have to get on the phones again; finding childcare is a nightmare.
Lady M & Baby A's daycare faculty was located in Collinsville and after 2 days of driving 25 miles each way for drop-off & pick-up, I had to admit that it'd be a whole whole lot easier to find daycare slightly closer to home.
Unfortunately, because they weren't supposed to stay with us past the weekend, I don't have a DHS childcare co-pay card and no one would take them without one. Called close to 10 different daycares before I found one that a) took both infants & 4 year olds b) had openings for both c) would allow me to "backswipe" the card once Ingot it.
And although I really really hated to take the kids somewhere new, I just couldn't swing the drive (which caused me to be massively late to work on Monday- thank goodness for a understanding boss- hi L!).
But to be honest, as I dropped off the kids this morning, I was a little leery of the joint. There are kids swarming everywhere, the toys are well-worn, sign-in sheets are handwritten. Nothing wrong with any of that, but it's much different from the place they were at in Collinsville (teachers in scrubs, daily feeding/diapering chart for Baby, well lit and airy).
Hmm. We'll see.
I hope I don't have to get on the phones again; finding childcare is a nightmare.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Torn
Many of you no doubt laughed when I proclaimed our new placement "easy".
And the kids ARE pretty easy--Baby A is happy & busy, except for when he's hungry. Lady M is wonderfully lively & chatty, vocal about her likes & dislikes & demands things her way. But she is easy to redirect & frankly, easier than either of The Boys in terms of behavioral issues.
What is not easy about this placement are the circumstances. What was supposed to be a temporary respite visit has, due to health issues, turned into the kids needing a new foster family. And although we agreed to respite care, we felt enormous pressure (mostly from the foster parents, an assumption almost) to take the kids as a permanent placement.
And it's tempting.
And heart-breaking.
But it's not what we signed up for- in terms of some of the kids' issues & their situation (which I obviously can't disclose here).
So, we still have them. And will take them to daycare (in Collinsville), and will read them stories (2, in a rocking chair), go for walks & paint fingernails until their new "Momma & Daddy" can be found.
And the kids ARE pretty easy--Baby A is happy & busy, except for when he's hungry. Lady M is wonderfully lively & chatty, vocal about her likes & dislikes & demands things her way. But she is easy to redirect & frankly, easier than either of The Boys in terms of behavioral issues.
What is not easy about this placement are the circumstances. What was supposed to be a temporary respite visit has, due to health issues, turned into the kids needing a new foster family. And although we agreed to respite care, we felt enormous pressure (mostly from the foster parents, an assumption almost) to take the kids as a permanent placement.
And it's tempting.
And heart-breaking.
But it's not what we signed up for- in terms of some of the kids' issues & their situation (which I obviously can't disclose here).
So, we still have them. And will take them to daycare (in Collinsville), and will read them stories (2, in a rocking chair), go for walks & paint fingernails until their new "Momma & Daddy" can be found.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Respite
It has been 6 weeks or so since DaBoys went home. In that time, we've seen them twice- once to drop off their bikes & once because they needed picked up from day camp unexpectedly. I'm just really thankful that their mom considers me someone she can call in an emergency; it's a good sign.
~~~~~
Today brought an unexpected situation: we were asked to provide respite care for another foster family, for the weekend. I got a call about 3:30, while I was wrapping up my first full week at my new job (woo!).
The worker explained the situation (foster mom health issues), the kids' ages (4 & 18 mo.) & asked if we could help out. I immediately wanted to take the kids (their situation is very sympathetic), but thought maybe I should consult with Mr. Greg first.
Of course, easygoing guy that he is, he said yes. Before I know it, I'm getting the foster dad's info and arranging a drop off.
They showed up around 7; high chair, pack n play, Barbies & booster seats in tow.
The foster dad had very kindly written down bedtime instructions & helpful hints, and even left his cell number.
The kids settled in pretty quickly. The girl, 4, who I'll call Lady M (very pretty, witty & wise), played with Lola & explored the whole house, while I sorted through Baby A's diaper bag, in search of a changing pad. Finding none, I used an (old, forest green) towel & soon set him to rights.
We played for a bit, then I fed Baby A a bottle & put him in the Pack N Play to sleep.
He wasn't having it, so Lady M "read" him a story & we tried again.
Success!
Lady M drew for another little while, then put on her jammies & brushed teeth; then I read 2 books & rocked her (per instruction sheet) & put her to bed. She was out, stuffed unicorn tucked under her arm, in 10 minutes.
Hope the rest of the weekend is this easy!
~~~~~
Today brought an unexpected situation: we were asked to provide respite care for another foster family, for the weekend. I got a call about 3:30, while I was wrapping up my first full week at my new job (woo!).
The worker explained the situation (foster mom health issues), the kids' ages (4 & 18 mo.) & asked if we could help out. I immediately wanted to take the kids (their situation is very sympathetic), but thought maybe I should consult with Mr. Greg first.
Of course, easygoing guy that he is, he said yes. Before I know it, I'm getting the foster dad's info and arranging a drop off.
They showed up around 7; high chair, pack n play, Barbies & booster seats in tow.
The foster dad had very kindly written down bedtime instructions & helpful hints, and even left his cell number.
The kids settled in pretty quickly. The girl, 4, who I'll call Lady M (very pretty, witty & wise), played with Lola & explored the whole house, while I sorted through Baby A's diaper bag, in search of a changing pad. Finding none, I used an (old, forest green) towel & soon set him to rights.
We played for a bit, then I fed Baby A a bottle & put him in the Pack N Play to sleep.
He wasn't having it, so Lady M "read" him a story & we tried again.
Success!
Lady M drew for another little while, then put on her jammies & brushed teeth; then I read 2 books & rocked her (per instruction sheet) & put her to bed. She was out, stuffed unicorn tucked under her arm, in 10 minutes.
Hope the rest of the weekend is this easy!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Parting is...
... a sweet sorrow, it's true. It's also bittersweet. And freeing. And heartbreaking. All at the same time.
Big Bro and Little Bro went home to their Momma's house today. For good.
~~~~~
I've tried to write this post twice now, in anticipation of their departure-- slated as 5/29 from the day we picked them up from the shelter. But as their departure was delayed, and delayed again- things got tense. I was stressed to the max- trying to keep all their clothes clean so we could pack at any moment, use up all the 'kid' food and then scramble for something else to feed them when the days came and went. Try to act like things are normal, do our normal routine, while waiting for the phone to ring from the case worker. That post was entitled "Tightrope".
Previous to that I chronicled the steps leading to the waiting game: worker visits in our home, discussions about 'bridging' with Mom, trips to visit the kids' lawyers, having to reschedule the therapist because I honestly don't know who's house they are going to be at on X date. That post was entitled, rather clinically, "Reunification."
~~~~~
But when it came down to it. Today. I was trepidtious. Not knowing how I would feel. Glad to get my house back? Sad to see them go? Weirdly thrilled to be rid of the fighting, the tantrums, the drama?
Yes. But as I packed their clothes, their toys, their gifted CD player, their basketball and tiny toothbrushes, I was overwhelmingly sad.
And as they clamored to know "Is it time to go yet?!", sadder.
And as Little Bro said, enthusiastically, honestly, "I been wantin' to get out of here for awhile!", gut-punched.
~~~~~~~
I do my best, but there's no denying that these boys want their Mom, they miss her and as much fun as we have here- bikes! pool! cookouts!- we are not 'home'.
I recently saw a blurb (probably on Pinterest) that said "Home is wherever Momma is" and at the time, I thought, "Well, not always."
But I think it's true, even for--especially for-- kids in OKDHS custody. We were fortunate that The Boys' Momma is good people. She's young and she made a mistake that got her kids taken away from her. But, unlike some people in the system, she desperately wants them back. And has done everything the courts have asked her to do in order to make that a reality.
Fortunately, she is open to "Bridging" which is a fancy DHS term that basically means staying in touch. We plan to see them soon- have to take their bikes to them tonite- and hope to stay involved in their lives in the coming weeks and months.
~~~~~~~
As we stuff Mom's small car full of the books, clothes, games, toys, balls, shoes, etc. that they aquired in the 9 weeks they've been with us, I have to conciously step back to let Her repremand the boys as they squabble over who gets to sit in the front seat. I'm not in charge any more.
As they back out of our driveway, I can see Big Bro waving from the backseat. Little Bro rolls down the window and shouts, adorably, "See you later, alligator!" I will miss their silly antics.
As they drive out of sight, I step into a suddenly quiet house and walk unempeaded to my office to sit down and write this post, which is entitled "Parting is such sweet sorrow." Because it is both sweet- they are going home with Momma, to a new house, a new beginning- and sorrowful-- they aren't here with me anymore. But mostly, I am grateful for a successful first placement and look forward to the next.
Big Bro and Little Bro went home to their Momma's house today. For good.
~~~~~
I've tried to write this post twice now, in anticipation of their departure-- slated as 5/29 from the day we picked them up from the shelter. But as their departure was delayed, and delayed again- things got tense. I was stressed to the max- trying to keep all their clothes clean so we could pack at any moment, use up all the 'kid' food and then scramble for something else to feed them when the days came and went. Try to act like things are normal, do our normal routine, while waiting for the phone to ring from the case worker. That post was entitled "Tightrope".
Previous to that I chronicled the steps leading to the waiting game: worker visits in our home, discussions about 'bridging' with Mom, trips to visit the kids' lawyers, having to reschedule the therapist because I honestly don't know who's house they are going to be at on X date. That post was entitled, rather clinically, "Reunification."
~~~~~
But when it came down to it. Today. I was trepidtious. Not knowing how I would feel. Glad to get my house back? Sad to see them go? Weirdly thrilled to be rid of the fighting, the tantrums, the drama?
Yes. But as I packed their clothes, their toys, their gifted CD player, their basketball and tiny toothbrushes, I was overwhelmingly sad.
And as they clamored to know "Is it time to go yet?!", sadder.
And as Little Bro said, enthusiastically, honestly, "I been wantin' to get out of here for awhile!", gut-punched.
~~~~~~~
I do my best, but there's no denying that these boys want their Mom, they miss her and as much fun as we have here- bikes! pool! cookouts!- we are not 'home'.
I recently saw a blurb (probably on Pinterest) that said "Home is wherever Momma is" and at the time, I thought, "Well, not always."
But I think it's true, even for--especially for-- kids in OKDHS custody. We were fortunate that The Boys' Momma is good people. She's young and she made a mistake that got her kids taken away from her. But, unlike some people in the system, she desperately wants them back. And has done everything the courts have asked her to do in order to make that a reality.
Fortunately, she is open to "Bridging" which is a fancy DHS term that basically means staying in touch. We plan to see them soon- have to take their bikes to them tonite- and hope to stay involved in their lives in the coming weeks and months.
~~~~~~~
As we stuff Mom's small car full of the books, clothes, games, toys, balls, shoes, etc. that they aquired in the 9 weeks they've been with us, I have to conciously step back to let Her repremand the boys as they squabble over who gets to sit in the front seat. I'm not in charge any more.
As they back out of our driveway, I can see Big Bro waving from the backseat. Little Bro rolls down the window and shouts, adorably, "See you later, alligator!" I will miss their silly antics.
As they drive out of sight, I step into a suddenly quiet house and walk unempeaded to my office to sit down and write this post, which is entitled "Parting is such sweet sorrow." Because it is both sweet- they are going home with Momma, to a new house, a new beginning- and sorrowful-- they aren't here with me anymore. But mostly, I am grateful for a successful first placement and look forward to the next.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Summer Reading Program
We trundled down to our neighborhood library yesterday and got signed up for the summer reading program.
The boys were not impressed. Until they learned there were PRIZES.
Then they were all about it.
The first prize level is 8 books read, & Big Bro of course picked out 8 book. So he could "win". Hehe.
I'm so glad they are into it, I always loved the summer reading program.
Did you?
The boys were not impressed. Until they learned there were PRIZES.
Then they were all about it.
The first prize level is 8 books read, & Big Bro of course picked out 8 book. So he could "win". Hehe.
I'm so glad they are into it, I always loved the summer reading program.
Did you?
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
A Parenting Breakthrough
Memorial Day- a day for remembrance, family time, & excessive fun times.
We spent a couple of hours at the pool, along with half the neighborhood, which was lots of fun.
Then we headed to a cookout! The boys all watched some vintage Silver Surfer while I cut up a watermelon. Little Bro even fell asleep while They were waiting on me. Which, honestly, should have been a clue.
The party was great- lots of good food, kids to play with and Blue Moon beer on tap. The Boys however, took a bit to warm up- a mixture of tired from swimming and overwhelmed by new people.
But they soon got acclimated and were eating hotdogs and shooting water guns with the rest of the kids in no time.
Around 7:30, however, things started to fall apart (and not just for us).
It started with a terrifying scream from one of our friend's little boys.
As I, and every other parent, whipped our heads up to see what was the matter, Little Friend stood screaming and crying, with his finger pointed at Big Bro, as a water cannon fell to the ground from atop the jungle gym.
Big Brother looked slightly smug.
Long story short: he had ripped the toys from Little Friend's hand and thrown it to the ground, then refused to apologize for it (protesting that he had done it because Little Friend's momma had told him it was time to go) and then in the car home, where I was trying to find out if he'd followed through on his apology, back talked me like nobody's business.
Which of course is a major 'button' for me.
Here's where I had the breakthrough.
~~~
We were cruising down Peoria, headed home and as he continued to protest that he didn't need to apologize, I pulled the car over, put on the hazards and slammed on the e-brake.
Then I took a deep breath, turned around and quietly told him he was in big trouble and what for.
Then I acknowledged that I was very angry and that we wold have to wait until we got home to continue this discussion and talk about consequences.
The drive home was rather quiet after that.
~~~
And that's what we did. We sat down and had a good discussion about obedience, treating others they way you want to be treated, etc. And then, since he's old enough to understand 'consequences', asked for his opinion on his consequence. Of course he picked the worst thing he could think of- no bike riding- but since I for SURE don't want to take away physical activity outlets- we amended that to no Wii. And he's going to have to call and follow through on the apology.
But all of this was done with no shouting (well, maybe a bit before I pulled the car over) and a good discussion, with both G and I present.
Seeing as this is the 2nd time he's pulled a 3 peat of behaviors in as few days, I'm not convinced that Big Bro is going to win any awards for obedience any time soon, but we're working on it.
And I certainly am glad that my blood pressure is staying calmer, even as Big Bro continues to push my buttons.
~~~
What do you think about my breakthrough (discipline w/o shouting)? have you ever pulled the car over to address a misbehaving child? What are other techniques for addressing disobedience?
We spent a couple of hours at the pool, along with half the neighborhood, which was lots of fun.
Then we headed to a cookout! The boys all watched some vintage Silver Surfer while I cut up a watermelon. Little Bro even fell asleep while They were waiting on me. Which, honestly, should have been a clue.
The party was great- lots of good food, kids to play with and Blue Moon beer on tap. The Boys however, took a bit to warm up- a mixture of tired from swimming and overwhelmed by new people.
But they soon got acclimated and were eating hotdogs and shooting water guns with the rest of the kids in no time.
Around 7:30, however, things started to fall apart (and not just for us).
It started with a terrifying scream from one of our friend's little boys.
As I, and every other parent, whipped our heads up to see what was the matter, Little Friend stood screaming and crying, with his finger pointed at Big Bro, as a water cannon fell to the ground from atop the jungle gym.
Big Brother looked slightly smug.
Long story short: he had ripped the toys from Little Friend's hand and thrown it to the ground, then refused to apologize for it (protesting that he had done it because Little Friend's momma had told him it was time to go) and then in the car home, where I was trying to find out if he'd followed through on his apology, back talked me like nobody's business.
Which of course is a major 'button' for me.
Here's where I had the breakthrough.
~~~
We were cruising down Peoria, headed home and as he continued to protest that he didn't need to apologize, I pulled the car over, put on the hazards and slammed on the e-brake.
Then I took a deep breath, turned around and quietly told him he was in big trouble and what for.
Then I acknowledged that I was very angry and that we wold have to wait until we got home to continue this discussion and talk about consequences.
The drive home was rather quiet after that.
~~~
And that's what we did. We sat down and had a good discussion about obedience, treating others they way you want to be treated, etc. And then, since he's old enough to understand 'consequences', asked for his opinion on his consequence. Of course he picked the worst thing he could think of- no bike riding- but since I for SURE don't want to take away physical activity outlets- we amended that to no Wii. And he's going to have to call and follow through on the apology.
But all of this was done with no shouting (well, maybe a bit before I pulled the car over) and a good discussion, with both G and I present.
Seeing as this is the 2nd time he's pulled a 3 peat of behaviors in as few days, I'm not convinced that Big Bro is going to win any awards for obedience any time soon, but we're working on it.
And I certainly am glad that my blood pressure is staying calmer, even as Big Bro continues to push my buttons.
~~~
What do you think about my breakthrough (discipline w/o shouting)? have you ever pulled the car over to address a misbehaving child? What are other techniques for addressing disobedience?
Monday, May 28, 2012
Pool time!
Our neighborhood pool opened this weekend!
Our house is a short bike ride away, so we gathered up our towels, snacks, goggles, & bikes and headed down to the pool.
We spent several hours chillin out, maxin' relaxin'....it was nice.
The boys aren't swimmers yet per se, but they are getting more comfortable in the water. I'm teaching them how to kick & blow bubbles with their faces in the water.
Good times...Think we'll do it again today!
Our house is a short bike ride away, so we gathered up our towels, snacks, goggles, & bikes and headed down to the pool.
We spent several hours chillin out, maxin' relaxin'....it was nice.
The boys aren't swimmers yet per se, but they are getting more comfortable in the water. I'm teaching them how to kick & blow bubbles with their faces in the water.
Good times...Think we'll do it again today!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
My favorite part
After a long day of swimming, eating, terrorizing dinner guests & drowning GI Joes in the tub, the Boys listen raptly to their bedtime story.
It doesn't seem to matter what kind of day they've had: good behavior, bad behavior, tantrums, saintliness- both the boys are silent &engaged when it's time for the 3 of us to cuddle up on the bottom bunk and read.
It's my favorite part of the day.
It doesn't seem to matter what kind of day they've had: good behavior, bad behavior, tantrums, saintliness- both the boys are silent &engaged when it's time for the 3 of us to cuddle up on the bottom bunk and read.
It's my favorite part of the day.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Nalgene Incident
Silly things happen when you ask children to perform simple tasks.
Take one day when I asked Big Brother to go get my big red Nalgene water bottle from the front porch (where it'd been keeping me company on bike observation duty).
After he disapeared around the courner of the kitchen, I immediately forgot about him. Which was a mistake.
A few minutes later, I heard a 'thunk' and Big Brother appeared, with water dripping down his face, and asked for a towel.
I thought he'd had tried to drink from it and splashed water on his face. Uh, no.
Turns out, he had dropped the Nalgene bottle on the way in, because he'd been CARRYING WITH A PAIR OF UTILITY SCISSORS and splashed the water all over the hall.
And after he came back for a 3rd hand towel, I went to look and 'splash' was an understatement.
The water was everywhere: puddled on the floor, splashed on the door frames, baseboards, AND WALLS to nearly the ceiling.
It was impressive.
A bath towel took care of the majority of the dampness, and I think that Big Bro's chagrin turned to relief when I started laughing at the "splash zone."
I'm just glad we didn't also have to clean up shards of broken water bottle; hooray for Nalgene!
Take one day when I asked Big Brother to go get my big red Nalgene water bottle from the front porch (where it'd been keeping me company on bike observation duty).
After he disapeared around the courner of the kitchen, I immediately forgot about him. Which was a mistake.
A few minutes later, I heard a 'thunk' and Big Brother appeared, with water dripping down his face, and asked for a towel.
I thought he'd had tried to drink from it and splashed water on his face. Uh, no.
Turns out, he had dropped the Nalgene bottle on the way in, because he'd been CARRYING WITH A PAIR OF UTILITY SCISSORS and splashed the water all over the hall.
And after he came back for a 3rd hand towel, I went to look and 'splash' was an understatement.
The water was everywhere: puddled on the floor, splashed on the door frames, baseboards, AND WALLS to nearly the ceiling.
It was impressive.
A bath towel took care of the majority of the dampness, and I think that Big Bro's chagrin turned to relief when I started laughing at the "splash zone."
I'm just glad we didn't also have to clean up shards of broken water bottle; hooray for Nalgene!
Summer is upon us
I have very good intentions of keeping to a semblance of a schedule in this post-school existence.
Day 1 went well; but we'll see how Day 2+ go...
Morning Schedule:
Read- 20-30 minutes
Journal- write/draw/doodle
Physical Exercise- bike, take Lola for a walk, soccer, walk to park, etc.
Chores- from daily list
Extra- math rocket game, flash cards, Hooked on Phonics, extra chores.
They get .25 for each task successfully completed (i.e. without excessive harranging on my part).
And, because I am an evil genius, they can spend their quarters on special treats (to the movies, to QT, etc) AND/OR on 'screen time.' Around here, it'll cost you .25 to play for 30 minutes on the computer or to play Wii. Greg thinks this a cruel; I think it's teaching them the value of money.
Plus, in the afternoons, we have other stuff to do, so it's not like they have endless hours to fill with video games.
Afternoon schedule: (via Pinterest)
Monday: Make something (arts & crafts)
Tuesday: trip to the library
Wednesday: What's Cooking?
Thursday: be Thoughtful
Friday: somewhere Fun!
So far, for What's Cooking Wednesday, we made chocolate chip cookies**.
The were proclaimed: DALICIOUS.
And today for "Be Thoughtful Thursday" we'll probably go share some with the neighbors!
I'm sure the boys would love nothings more than to ride bikes and play Wii all day, but because both of those require ME to play supervisor, I'd just as soon DO something more engaging.
~~~~~~
Did you ever have a summer schedule as a kid or made one for your child? Or is 'wild and free' more your style?
Day 1 went well; but we'll see how Day 2+ go...
Morning Schedule:
Read- 20-30 minutes
Journal- write/draw/doodle
Physical Exercise- bike, take Lola for a walk, soccer, walk to park, etc.
Chores- from daily list
Extra- math rocket game, flash cards, Hooked on Phonics, extra chores.
They get .25 for each task successfully completed (i.e. without excessive harranging on my part).
And, because I am an evil genius, they can spend their quarters on special treats (to the movies, to QT, etc) AND/OR on 'screen time.' Around here, it'll cost you .25 to play for 30 minutes on the computer or to play Wii. Greg thinks this a cruel; I think it's teaching them the value of money.
Plus, in the afternoons, we have other stuff to do, so it's not like they have endless hours to fill with video games.
Afternoon schedule: (via Pinterest)
Monday: Make something (arts & crafts)
Tuesday: trip to the library
Wednesday: What's Cooking?
Thursday: be Thoughtful
Friday: somewhere Fun!
So far, for What's Cooking Wednesday, we made chocolate chip cookies**.
The were proclaimed: DALICIOUS.
And today for "Be Thoughtful Thursday" we'll probably go share some with the neighbors!
I'm sure the boys would love nothings more than to ride bikes and play Wii all day, but because both of those require ME to play supervisor, I'd just as soon DO something more engaging.
~~~~~~
Did you ever have a summer schedule as a kid or made one for your child? Or is 'wild and free' more your style?
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Pre-Summer Mayhem
Monday, May 14th-- Boys beg for bikes. Having just been to Target that morning and noticed that they go for $75- 100, Vicki is saddened.
Tuesday-- Genius strikes- hello! Craigslist! by that evening, have procured bike for Little Bro -- $10.
Wednesday -- procured bike for Big Bro-- $20. Practice rides begin- they are kind of awful.
Thursday, -- scheduled 'family meeting' at DHS with Mom does not go as planned, when she neglects to show. We are all disappointed.
Friday- out to Porter for High school graduation of our 2 nieces. Is a lovely ceremony, until Lil Brother will NOT keep quiet. I haul him out the hallway for a time out; discipline is decided as early bedtime, no dessert. Which is of course, the WORST EVER.
Saturday- Hauled ice chest + Lola the Adventure Dog + the boys out to Grand Lake for a day of wading, eating, shrieking and boating with friends. 6 adults, 7 kids, 2 dogs, 1 pontoon boat = wet and wild time.
Sunday- slept in (them till 8, us till 10). Riverside Park and a family bike ride made for an idyllic Sunday evening.
Monday, the 21st- after school, bike rides until dinner, Little Bro adapts art smock into Super Boy cape, is awesome.
Tuesday, 22nd -- LAST DAY OF SCHOOL- gifts of roses and tags that read "Thanks for helping me BLOOM" are handed out to teachers.
Hugs all around. The boys leave without a backward glance, backpacks stuffed full of papers, art supplies and snacks.
~~~~~
More bike rides, a couple of crashes, playing in the sprinkler, etc. Parents meeting for a camp we hope to get them into.
Summer is here! Ready or not.
Tuesday-- Genius strikes- hello! Craigslist! by that evening, have procured bike for Little Bro -- $10.
Wednesday -- procured bike for Big Bro-- $20. Practice rides begin- they are kind of awful.
Thursday, -- scheduled 'family meeting' at DHS with Mom does not go as planned, when she neglects to show. We are all disappointed.
Friday- out to Porter for High school graduation of our 2 nieces. Is a lovely ceremony, until Lil Brother will NOT keep quiet. I haul him out the hallway for a time out; discipline is decided as early bedtime, no dessert. Which is of course, the WORST EVER.
Saturday- Hauled ice chest + Lola the Adventure Dog + the boys out to Grand Lake for a day of wading, eating, shrieking and boating with friends. 6 adults, 7 kids, 2 dogs, 1 pontoon boat = wet and wild time.
Sunday- slept in (them till 8, us till 10). Riverside Park and a family bike ride made for an idyllic Sunday evening.
Monday, the 21st- after school, bike rides until dinner, Little Bro adapts art smock into Super Boy cape, is awesome.
Tuesday, 22nd -- LAST DAY OF SCHOOL- gifts of roses and tags that read "Thanks for helping me BLOOM" are handed out to teachers.
(yes, its via Pinterest)):
Hugs all around. The boys leave without a backward glance, backpacks stuffed full of papers, art supplies and snacks.
~~~~~
More bike rides, a couple of crashes, playing in the sprinkler, etc. Parents meeting for a camp we hope to get them into.
Summer is here! Ready or not.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Adventures at bath time
About 8:30 PM last night our water heater decided to spring a leak.
So what what typically would be as simple as wrestling the boys into a bath or herding them into a shower (depending on if it's a school night), suddenly became a much more complex situation.
I opted to bathe the boys "Laura Ingals Wilder" style, by heating some water and mopping them clean with a wash rag and then dumping the remaining water over their heads to rinse.
It actually worked out pretty well! Although we skipped shampooing their heads, they got clean and were out of the tub in record time! We were all kind of amazed.
Pioneer problem solver for the win!
So what what typically would be as simple as wrestling the boys into a bath or herding them into a shower (depending on if it's a school night), suddenly became a much more complex situation.
I opted to bathe the boys "Laura Ingals Wilder" style, by heating some water and mopping them clean with a wash rag and then dumping the remaining water over their heads to rinse.
It actually worked out pretty well! Although we skipped shampooing their heads, they got clean and were out of the tub in record time! We were all kind of amazed.
Pioneer problem solver for the win!
UPDATE: Water heater has been fixed! The bathing of boys we resume as normal! Yay!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Adorable is...
Mr. Greg, chilling on the floor after work, teaching both the Boys how to play chess.
Mother's Day
Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was an emotionally difficult day for everyone, but mostly, me. The boys were happy as larks, thank goodness, largely because they got to see their mother.
I felt that it was important to have a visit ON Mother's Day, to let the boys have that time with their real mother, to at least pretend that things were normal.
But of course, that fact that I helped them make the gift (DIY sugar scrub) and had the card for them to sign and arranged the visit, didn't make things more normal, it made them less so.
It was confusing for us all as to who to give the school-made gifts. Labeled: "To Momma" but for "both of you... you can share it", from savvy Big Bro.
It was bittersweet, to be included in Mother's Day accolades via social media and greetings of "Happy Mother's Day!" with knowing smiles in the halls of LifeKids, as we herded the Boys towards Sunday School.
And then, frankly, it was terrible to sit through child dedications at church and want to have them up on the stage, dedicating ourselves to raising them in our spiritual tradition. We do our best in the time that we have them, but knowing that we don't get to keep them for always, made me very sad.
After church, it was awkward to wait for Her to bring them back to us (we've now progressed to her taking them on short jaunts), so that we could load up and go visit OUR family.
It was painful to see them ferociously hug their Momma and Littlest Brother (age: 3) and try to take him with us.
~~~~~~
Still, I don't really know how to feel about the whole Mother's Day experience. While I am a mother according to the State of Oklahoma and act as one every day, the Mother's Day pageantry still felt like it belonged to other people, those moms, over there, the one's who've been doing it from day 1.
As I wrote in my greeting cards to my own mother, I've always know what a good parent looked like, but I understand what a difficult proposition it is to be one, day in and out.
I have so much respect for moms who do this parenting thing: the best way they know how, with or without a partner, through good days and bad days. Much love and admiration to all the moms.
I felt that it was important to have a visit ON Mother's Day, to let the boys have that time with their real mother, to at least pretend that things were normal.
But of course, that fact that I helped them make the gift (DIY sugar scrub) and had the card for them to sign and arranged the visit, didn't make things more normal, it made them less so.
It was confusing for us all as to who to give the school-made gifts. Labeled: "To Momma" but for "both of you... you can share it", from savvy Big Bro.
It was bittersweet, to be included in Mother's Day accolades via social media and greetings of "Happy Mother's Day!" with knowing smiles in the halls of LifeKids, as we herded the Boys towards Sunday School.
And then, frankly, it was terrible to sit through child dedications at church and want to have them up on the stage, dedicating ourselves to raising them in our spiritual tradition. We do our best in the time that we have them, but knowing that we don't get to keep them for always, made me very sad.
After church, it was awkward to wait for Her to bring them back to us (we've now progressed to her taking them on short jaunts), so that we could load up and go visit OUR family.
It was painful to see them ferociously hug their Momma and Littlest Brother (age: 3) and try to take him with us.
~~~~~~
Still, I don't really know how to feel about the whole Mother's Day experience. While I am a mother according to the State of Oklahoma and act as one every day, the Mother's Day pageantry still felt like it belonged to other people, those moms, over there, the one's who've been doing it from day 1.
As I wrote in my greeting cards to my own mother, I've always know what a good parent looked like, but I understand what a difficult proposition it is to be one, day in and out.
I have so much respect for moms who do this parenting thing: the best way they know how, with or without a partner, through good days and bad days. Much love and admiration to all the moms.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Side-eye
Friday, May 10
Praise the lord! Greg has returned from far away lands! And we went to the airport to pick him up.
I got the boys fed, "homeworked" and bathed and into clean comfy clothes (in case they fell asleep on the way home - HA!) & we headed to the airport to meet Greg's 8:30 flight.
The boys had never been to the airport, so they were excited to check the whole thing out.
As they whirled through the carousel door and loudly observed and questioned every new thing, I felt the eyes of the baggage claim crowd tracking our progress through the terminal. The judgment was palpable: those kids sure are loud...is that their MOM?!?....surely not...who are they meeting?....wait, he's not black....
So far, the racial oddness of our placement has gone largely unremarked, in public spaces. With the exception of a few "are they twins?" inquiries, laden with curiosity, who are inevitably disappointed when I cheerfully chirp, "Nope!" and herd the boys onward.
But not comments or inquiries, doesn't mean people aren't looking, wondering perhaps judging. I fully expected foster care to be a crap shoot in many aspects, including racially. However, I expected to field more outright questions and fewer sidelong glances.
Our reasons for fostering are focused on conveying value, love and respect to whatever kids need it, regardless of age, race, or gender.
However, trying to DO that in a piblic space, when I'm also worried about managing behaviors in public spaces is extremely challenging. Ultimately, it's no ones business, but in an extremely conservative state like OK, conservation's about child abuse, fostering and even racial equality are rare. I hope that I am ready to have them, when the opportunity presents itself.
Praise the lord! Greg has returned from far away lands! And we went to the airport to pick him up.
I got the boys fed, "homeworked" and bathed and into clean comfy clothes (in case they fell asleep on the way home - HA!) & we headed to the airport to meet Greg's 8:30 flight.
The boys had never been to the airport, so they were excited to check the whole thing out.
As they whirled through the carousel door and loudly observed and questioned every new thing, I felt the eyes of the baggage claim crowd tracking our progress through the terminal. The judgment was palpable: those kids sure are loud...is that their MOM?!?....surely not...who are they meeting?....wait, he's not black....
So far, the racial oddness of our placement has gone largely unremarked, in public spaces. With the exception of a few "are they twins?" inquiries, laden with curiosity, who are inevitably disappointed when I cheerfully chirp, "Nope!" and herd the boys onward.
But not comments or inquiries, doesn't mean people aren't looking, wondering perhaps judging. I fully expected foster care to be a crap shoot in many aspects, including racially. However, I expected to field more outright questions and fewer sidelong glances.
Our reasons for fostering are focused on conveying value, love and respect to whatever kids need it, regardless of age, race, or gender.
However, trying to DO that in a piblic space, when I'm also worried about managing behaviors in public spaces is extremely challenging. Ultimately, it's no ones business, but in an extremely conservative state like OK, conservation's about child abuse, fostering and even racial equality are rare. I hope that I am ready to have them, when the opportunity presents itself.
Experiments in human behavior, part 112
I told a friend, after explaining the whole Wii limitation thing, that there are many days here recently that feel like I'm living in a behavioral phychology experiement! There are times when a small change can make a world of difference and others where no matter what I do, bad behaviors abound seemingly without reason. Other days, I find my own "buttons" being pushed as one of the Boys ignores my request to brush their teeth/pick up their shoes/whatever for the 7th time, and I find myself shouting when I don't mean to or rolling my eyes at a crying 6 year old.
Case in point: Little Brother dropped his Avenger's transforming car thing as he exited the car and one of the wheels broke off. I scooped it us, thinking that I'd be able to pop the tire back on when we got into the house.
Wrong.
Thing was broken. As I showed him that it was broken and explained that I couldn't fix it, giant tears welled up in his eyes and he started to cry.
But when he shrugged off my hug and reassurances that it would be ok and cried harder, I was miffed. Why was he crying over a stupid toy?
A few minutes later, he is STILL crying and I'm now annoyed. So taking a cue from another friend (h/t Gloria), I say to Little Bro,
"Hey bud, I know you are upset about the car, but you don't need to stand here and cry over it. If you want to cry, that's fine, but you are going to need to go do it in your room. You can come back out whenever you feel better."
So he trundles off to his room, clutching the maimed toy. As I'm getting a snack for Big Bro, I can hear him wailing over his car: "My car is B-b-b-b-broken!"
He's sounds SO SAD over this silly car, that I can't help but giggle a little.
Then, I swear, not 5 minutes later, he's in the kitchen, helping himself to a snack from the snack basket, tear-stained, but clear-eyed and TOTALLY OVER IT.
What the heck.
Anywho, guess when he stopped getting attention over his crying/pouting/tantrum, it wasn't an effective means of getting attention, so he stopped. Experiments in human behavior, part 112. To be continued!
Case in point: Little Brother dropped his Avenger's transforming car thing as he exited the car and one of the wheels broke off. I scooped it us, thinking that I'd be able to pop the tire back on when we got into the house.
Wrong.
Thing was broken. As I showed him that it was broken and explained that I couldn't fix it, giant tears welled up in his eyes and he started to cry.
But when he shrugged off my hug and reassurances that it would be ok and cried harder, I was miffed. Why was he crying over a stupid toy?
A few minutes later, he is STILL crying and I'm now annoyed. So taking a cue from another friend (h/t Gloria), I say to Little Bro,
"Hey bud, I know you are upset about the car, but you don't need to stand here and cry over it. If you want to cry, that's fine, but you are going to need to go do it in your room. You can come back out whenever you feel better."
So he trundles off to his room, clutching the maimed toy. As I'm getting a snack for Big Bro, I can hear him wailing over his car: "My car is B-b-b-b-broken!"
He's sounds SO SAD over this silly car, that I can't help but giggle a little.
Then, I swear, not 5 minutes later, he's in the kitchen, helping himself to a snack from the snack basket, tear-stained, but clear-eyed and TOTALLY OVER IT.
What the heck.
Anywho, guess when he stopped getting attention over his crying/pouting/tantrum, it wasn't an effective means of getting attention, so he stopped. Experiments in human behavior, part 112. To be continued!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Practically Idyllic
With the notable exception of waking up & getting to school super late this morning, on the day Little Bro went to the zoo no less, today was a vast vast improvement over yesterday.
While i was mowing the lawn & sweating out my self-loathing. (see above), I realized where we'd gone astray. That damn Wii. The boys beg to play it so often & so hard that I've been giving in more often than not. What used to be a weekend- only thing has now become a near daily thing. And while normally most kids would be quiet and play their games, THESE kids fight and yell and carry one to such an extent that it's more stressful to have it on than to put up with the begging.
So, I've made an executive decision, no more weekday Wii. Instead, after school we went grocery shopping, watched some educational tv (what's up Discovery Channel!), did some artwork, went for a WALK after dinner- on which we ate ice cream cones - & played Transformers before bath time. Wow.
Zero meltdowns from either of them; only one small scuffle, all homework completed AND time for a bedtime
story. Booyah.
While i was mowing the lawn & sweating out my self-loathing. (see above), I realized where we'd gone astray. That damn Wii. The boys beg to play it so often & so hard that I've been giving in more often than not. What used to be a weekend- only thing has now become a near daily thing. And while normally most kids would be quiet and play their games, THESE kids fight and yell and carry one to such an extent that it's more stressful to have it on than to put up with the begging.
So, I've made an executive decision, no more weekday Wii. Instead, after school we went grocery shopping, watched some educational tv (what's up Discovery Channel!), did some artwork, went for a WALK after dinner- on which we ate ice cream cones - & played Transformers before bath time. Wow.
Zero meltdowns from either of them; only one small scuffle, all homework completed AND time for a bedtime
story. Booyah.
Single motherhood this is not
But damn if I don't have a lot more sympathy for those who ARE single moms after last night.
G is out of town for a last minute business trip & boy don't I know it.
I didn't realize how much I count on him for "backup". We tap in and out of of difficult situations (getting them out of bed in the morning) and behavior (refusing to take a shower) likes relay racers, sprinting and striving till someone else can take over.
Except, yesterday there was no one to relieve me. And the boys seemed to know it, because they double-downed on the fighting, the resistance, & generally being little shits.
For example, Big Bro pitched, count 'em, 4 different fits over the course of yesterday- one for not getting a sack lunch (only on Fridays), losing at Homework Champion, having to take a bath, having to sleep in his own bunk. AND I had to exercise the "nuclear option" 2 different times just to get Big Bro into bed- that is, for interested parties, threatening to cut off access to the Wii for the WEEK. This is one of those threats that I now realize would have totally sucked to had to have to follow through on, but I was just desperate enough to do it.
Fortunately, Big Bro loves Wii more than anything & so he complied, not without thinking about it for a minute.
I actually am concerned about what will happen when the boys go home to their single parent household. Will they run Her over like they try to do me? Will she learn how to encourage good behavior and not give in to bad behaviors? Will she want to hear any of this from me? I hope so. Part of the Bridge Program that we are in is to build relationship with the parent(s) of the foster kids that we have, so that a) we can stay in contact and b) to try an mentor the parent in good parenting skills, rather than just giving the kids back and we hope we don't see them back in foster care in a year ie traditional foster care. The Boys mom is warming up to us, but we're still aways from any kind of "mentoring" relationship.
Anyway, here's hoping that day 2 without G goes better. And that I don't have to take away anyone's Wii privileges. Please, not the Wii!
G is out of town for a last minute business trip & boy don't I know it.
I didn't realize how much I count on him for "backup". We tap in and out of of difficult situations (getting them out of bed in the morning) and behavior (refusing to take a shower) likes relay racers, sprinting and striving till someone else can take over.
Except, yesterday there was no one to relieve me. And the boys seemed to know it, because they double-downed on the fighting, the resistance, & generally being little shits.
For example, Big Bro pitched, count 'em, 4 different fits over the course of yesterday- one for not getting a sack lunch (only on Fridays), losing at Homework Champion, having to take a bath, having to sleep in his own bunk. AND I had to exercise the "nuclear option" 2 different times just to get Big Bro into bed- that is, for interested parties, threatening to cut off access to the Wii for the WEEK. This is one of those threats that I now realize would have totally sucked to had to have to follow through on, but I was just desperate enough to do it.
Fortunately, Big Bro loves Wii more than anything & so he complied, not without thinking about it for a minute.
I actually am concerned about what will happen when the boys go home to their single parent household. Will they run Her over like they try to do me? Will she learn how to encourage good behavior and not give in to bad behaviors? Will she want to hear any of this from me? I hope so. Part of the Bridge Program that we are in is to build relationship with the parent(s) of the foster kids that we have, so that a) we can stay in contact and b) to try an mentor the parent in good parenting skills, rather than just giving the kids back and we hope we don't see them back in foster care in a year ie traditional foster care. The Boys mom is warming up to us, but we're still aways from any kind of "mentoring" relationship.
Anyway, here's hoping that day 2 without G goes better. And that I don't have to take away anyone's Wii privileges. Please, not the Wii!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Togetherness
We spent most of Saturday at home.
The boys played Wii and ate cereal under G's supervision, while I ran errands. Then we cleaned house with our newly obtained cleaning supplies (thanks for the spring cleaning sale, Target!)
The boys are very willing helpers and seem to soak up the praise that accompanies chores. I can't imagine that they LIKE scrubbing toilets or dusting, but they like being helpers and the one on one time that seems to be necessary to supervise.
Later we all played Wii- which was pretty wild. The boys are very vocal and physical (lots of shouting & jumping around) which G had to put the kibosh on, so we could all see the screen at the same time.
Much like chores, playing 4 player Mario can actually be good for them. G calls Nintendo therapy, I call it teamwork and respect. Shouting at your brother isn't gonna make him play any better, GUYS.
In all, a good day. Got things accomplished, had fun & I didn't want to knock any heads together by the end of it. Amazing!
The boys played Wii and ate cereal under G's supervision, while I ran errands. Then we cleaned house with our newly obtained cleaning supplies (thanks for the spring cleaning sale, Target!)
The boys are very willing helpers and seem to soak up the praise that accompanies chores. I can't imagine that they LIKE scrubbing toilets or dusting, but they like being helpers and the one on one time that seems to be necessary to supervise.
Later we all played Wii- which was pretty wild. The boys are very vocal and physical (lots of shouting & jumping around) which G had to put the kibosh on, so we could all see the screen at the same time.
Much like chores, playing 4 player Mario can actually be good for them. G calls Nintendo therapy, I call it teamwork and respect. Shouting at your brother isn't gonna make him play any better, GUYS.
In all, a good day. Got things accomplished, had fun & I didn't want to knock any heads together by the end of it. Amazing!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Carnival, part 2
Friday evening we went to the Boys' school carnival, which was simultaneously fun & wild. The boys were ecstatic to be there, sharing hugs with teachers and waving excitedly at school friends.
For my part, what struck me were the knowing, welcoming smiles from the adults, particularly school staff.
In fact, I received a few quiet asides from teachers, about how they "look so happy." The principal, whose been very welcoming, even said to me as the Boys were bouncing on the Jupiter Jump, "They are doing so well; glad to have you all here!"
So, although it is definitely a pain to drive them to school and pick them up every day, halfway across town, I'm glad that we decided to leave them in their school. If they'd been placed with us earlier in the school year, we might would have moved them to the neighborhood school, 3 blocks from our house.
G. wishes they could stay where they are next year, but it looks like they will be moving schools again in the fall. I only hope that next year's administration will be as kind and understanding as this years' have been.
Hopefully everyone, teachers, Mom and the Boys themselves, will have less to deal with: fewer absences, less drama, more stability.
For my part, what struck me were the knowing, welcoming smiles from the adults, particularly school staff.
In fact, I received a few quiet asides from teachers, about how they "look so happy." The principal, whose been very welcoming, even said to me as the Boys were bouncing on the Jupiter Jump, "They are doing so well; glad to have you all here!"
So, although it is definitely a pain to drive them to school and pick them up every day, halfway across town, I'm glad that we decided to leave them in their school. If they'd been placed with us earlier in the school year, we might would have moved them to the neighborhood school, 3 blocks from our house.
G. wishes they could stay where they are next year, but it looks like they will be moving schools again in the fall. I only hope that next year's administration will be as kind and understanding as this years' have been.
Hopefully everyone, teachers, Mom and the Boys themselves, will have less to deal with: fewer absences, less drama, more stability.
School Carnival!
Double fistful of tickets + bouncy castle(s) + games galore+ "pieing" the teachers + candy as prizes = coked up kids & wiped out 'rents.
That is all, over and out.
That is all, over and out.
4 Stereotypes about Motherhood that, suprise!, are totally true.
1. Laundry never ends. Neither do dishes.
2. Putting kids to bed never happens only once; must not love them if there's not one last hug/glass of water/bandaid.
3. Exhaustion is the number one threat to sexy times; snuggling on the couch while we watch Parks and Rec is a mostly acceptable substitute, however.
4. Girls Night Out- replete with many martinis- is amazing amazing and a total sanity saver. What up, ladies!
2. Putting kids to bed never happens only once; must not love them if there's not one last hug/glass of water/bandaid.
3. Exhaustion is the number one threat to sexy times; snuggling on the couch while we watch Parks and Rec is a mostly acceptable substitute, however.
4. Girls Night Out- replete with many martinis- is amazing amazing and a total sanity saver. What up, ladies!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Four weeks ago
Four weeks ago today my husband & I drove north, beyond our neighborhood, our side of the tracks and our comfort zone at large.
Four weeks ago today we were plunged into Fosterhood as soon as we walked through the doors of the children's shelter, & announced ourselves as foster parents.
Four weeks ago today, we became parents at the stoke of a pen.
Four weeks ago today, we ate the first of many pizzas from "Zizis."
Four weeks ago today, we put together the first of many Lego sets.
Four weeks ago today, G made an emergency run to Walgreens for Batman toothbrushes.
Four weeks ago today, I lay awake listening to sticky coughs & wondered how I would ever sleep through the night again (hint: exhaustion).
Four weeks ago today, we prayed that we could somehow let these sweet boys know that they are valuable, wanted and loved.
Tonight, I pray that same prayer, with added pleas for an extra serving of wisdom & an extra bucket of patience.
Four weeks ago today we were plunged into Fosterhood as soon as we walked through the doors of the children's shelter, & announced ourselves as foster parents.
Four weeks ago today, we became parents at the stoke of a pen.
Four weeks ago today, we ate the first of many pizzas from "Zizis."
Four weeks ago today, we put together the first of many Lego sets.
Four weeks ago today, G made an emergency run to Walgreens for Batman toothbrushes.
Four weeks ago today, I lay awake listening to sticky coughs & wondered how I would ever sleep through the night again (hint: exhaustion).
Four weeks ago today, we prayed that we could somehow let these sweet boys know that they are valuable, wanted and loved.
Tonight, I pray that same prayer, with added pleas for an extra serving of wisdom & an extra bucket of patience.
Harrowing
Visits with the Boy's mother are difficult for me. Moreso, I thought, than for the Boys themselves.
In OKDHS training, we talked a lot about how difficult it might be to let the children have visits with their parents, who have hurt them- emotionally or physically; how it would be difficult to deal with the emotional aftermath of kids who feel abandoned all over again, when the visit is over. But training also emphasized that it is the child's right to see their parent, regardless of how we might feel, although visitation can look a lot of different ways- some visits may need to be supervised by DHS staff and others can be unsupervised in the foster home, or even overnight visits.
Yesterday (Monday) was our first in-home visit.
About 10 minutes before the visit, I talked to Mom, clarifying directions, and she let me know that she was bringing two of the Boys' little cousins- about their same age.
Great.
Normally, the Boys get kind of hyper when a new person comes over, much less cousins they haven't seen in who knows how long. Plus, her bringing cousins totally defeats the purpose of quality time with Mom.
The visit went something like this:
Joyous hugs!
Play outside!
Assault pizza delivery guy!
Eat dinner standing up/dancing around!
Ransack room/toy chest!
Race back outside for more bubbles/soccer/jump rope!
Play Play Play
After a bit, mean Miss Vicki has to break up the fun because Boys still haven't done homework/bath.
The the roundup and separation, like excitable calfs.... hysterical giggling/chasing...
In OKDHS training, we talked a lot about how difficult it might be to let the children have visits with their parents, who have hurt them- emotionally or physically; how it would be difficult to deal with the emotional aftermath of kids who feel abandoned all over again, when the visit is over. But training also emphasized that it is the child's right to see their parent, regardless of how we might feel, although visitation can look a lot of different ways- some visits may need to be supervised by DHS staff and others can be unsupervised in the foster home, or even overnight visits.
Yesterday (Monday) was our first in-home visit.
About 10 minutes before the visit, I talked to Mom, clarifying directions, and she let me know that she was bringing two of the Boys' little cousins- about their same age.
Great.
Normally, the Boys get kind of hyper when a new person comes over, much less cousins they haven't seen in who knows how long. Plus, her bringing cousins totally defeats the purpose of quality time with Mom.
The visit went something like this:
Joyous hugs!
Play outside!
Assault pizza delivery guy!
Eat dinner standing up/dancing around!
Ransack room/toy chest!
Race back outside for more bubbles/soccer/jump rope!
Play Play Play
After a bit, mean Miss Vicki has to break up the fun because Boys still haven't done homework/bath.
The the roundup and separation, like excitable calfs.... hysterical giggling/chasing...
And...
....a sudden, sobbing meltdown from...Big Brother. Which was heartbreaking, as he's not typically the "sensitive" one, Little Bro is.
And in the most touching act of kindness, I've ever seen from an 8 year old, Sassy Girl Cousin knelt down to hug and comfort prone, crying Big Bro. Reassuring him that she'd see him again soon and listing off all the cool things about his life (awesome bunk beds, neat dog, etc).
But Big Bro would not be comforted; he lay sobbing as if his heart would break, as the Cousins and Mom left.
.....
Normally, the Boys are nonplussed when visits are over. But having Mom in HIS space must have triggered Big Bro (and I'm sure the cousins didn't help).
All I could do was scoop him up (not that an 8 year old is very scoopable), hug him, get him a drink of water and rub his back. And slowly return to center, to routine: homework, shower, teeth, bedtime story.
And although they resisted (like usual), they were both asleep shortly after turning off the lights, perhaps even more quickly and more desperately than usual.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Things Learned the Hard Way
A full length art smock does not guarantee that paint won't get on little boy pants.
Paint smocks are a must for painting OF ANY KIND.
Nothing gets fabric paint out of little boy dress shirts, unfortunately.
There's "play" clothes & "dress" clothes for a reason!
Paint smocks are a must for painting OF ANY KIND.
Nothing gets fabric paint out of little boy dress shirts, unfortunately.
There's "play" clothes & "dress" clothes for a reason!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Saaaaa-turday...in the Park...
Feeeeels like the ForthofJuly....
~~~~~~~
After a nice Saturday morning of cereal, Wii & more Wii, the four of us betook ourselves out for some lunch (Jimmy Johns, what what!) & an afternoon at the park.
After much debate between Greg & I, we ended up at the River parks 41st plaza, across from our old
Apartment complex (Memmmmories....)
The boys played on the jungle gyms for quite awhile, more comfortable interacting with G & I than kids of the other kids there.
Then they wanted to explore down closer to the river, which Tulsans will know is not the most sanitary of options, although it turned out to be more adventurous than any of us guessed.
G. & the Boys went down a hill just north of the spillway by the park to investigate the waterline.
I watched for a bit from the park patio, but went downhill to join them when they started yelling for me. The boys were very excited about something & dragged me towards the rocky outcroppings. G grinned at me as I peered between rocks to discover that Big Bro had discovered a snake of no
small size, nestled in the rocks.
The boys were freaking out over this snake & then started arguing over whether it was alive or dead.
G. being the problem solver that he is, picked up a pebble and pinged the exposed coils of the striped snake.
We all jumped back when the snake flinched and rustled.
Well, to be more specific, I jumped and the Boys took off sprinting up the hill, screaming a the top of their lungs!
G & I chortled with laughter as we followed them up the hill and along the river path as they ran off their energy rush. Then we went back to the house exhausted and spent from our adventure, for some "quiet time."
~~~~~~~
After a nice Saturday morning of cereal, Wii & more Wii, the four of us betook ourselves out for some lunch (Jimmy Johns, what what!) & an afternoon at the park.
After much debate between Greg & I, we ended up at the River parks 41st plaza, across from our old
Apartment complex (Memmmmories....)
The boys played on the jungle gyms for quite awhile, more comfortable interacting with G & I than kids of the other kids there.
Then they wanted to explore down closer to the river, which Tulsans will know is not the most sanitary of options, although it turned out to be more adventurous than any of us guessed.
G. & the Boys went down a hill just north of the spillway by the park to investigate the waterline.
I watched for a bit from the park patio, but went downhill to join them when they started yelling for me. The boys were very excited about something & dragged me towards the rocky outcroppings. G grinned at me as I peered between rocks to discover that Big Bro had discovered a snake of no
small size, nestled in the rocks.
The boys were freaking out over this snake & then started arguing over whether it was alive or dead.
G. being the problem solver that he is, picked up a pebble and pinged the exposed coils of the striped snake.
We all jumped back when the snake flinched and rustled.
Well, to be more specific, I jumped and the Boys took off sprinting up the hill, screaming a the top of their lungs!
G & I chortled with laughter as we followed them up the hill and along the river path as they ran off their energy rush. Then we went back to the house exhausted and spent from our adventure, for some "quiet time."
Urgent Care
I hit silent on my phone when it rang at 9:30, as I was enjoying a mid-morning nap. G. had taken the boys to school, since they start late on Friday (why, I have no idea).
A few minutes later, G's distinctive ringtone woke me again. When I picked up, I could barely understand what he was saying. Something about the school nurse, Little Bro, school policy, blah blah, something something.- I was foggy.
I broke into a cold sweat, however, when he said, "he needs to be picked up from school & taken to the doctor."
Worried that he was puking again, I sat bolt upright, only to lay back down with a groan when G. clarified, no, no, the RINGWORM he picked up at the school playground (over a MONTH ago) had flared up again and his teacher who had been "keeping an eye on it" had sent him to the nurse; who called us, to come get him... because school policy is to have ringworm sites covered...but they can't cover his because it's on his head...and hats are against the dress code. Um, ok.
In any case, nurse tells me (once I roll out of bed & trundle down to the school, which No is not anywhere close
to our house; in a different district, in fact), that I should probably take him a doctor, because he's probably contagious. Awesome.
Long story short: I call his worker, for a reccomendstion, since both little Bro & Big Bro were treated at the shelter for the ringworm infection (not caused by actual worms or anything, just a nasty fungus). Recommended doc doesn't have them on file, can't see Little Bro without an intake, no intakes until Tuesday. Set up intake, go to plan B- Urgent Care. Little Bro needs meds ASAP, as I am NOT keeping him home Monday and Tuesday for some stupid ringworm.
We hit up the local Urgent Care clinic where Little Bro & I wait forever, but are rewarded for our patience with 2 suckers and a cute doctor, respectively.
Back to our end of town to drop of the prescription, late lunch, then BACK down to the school to pick up Big Bro, who of course has no idea anything's amiss.
Chatted with the nurse again, who still seemed miffed about what to do about the while school policy issue; although I'd dearly love to see her try to tape a bandage to his curly head!
The kicker is that the treatment for ringworm is typically a steroidal ointment of some kind, BUT BECAUSE his spot is on his head, it's not effective and he has to take a syrup. Which, in order for the medicine to be most effective, he has to BREAK A SWEAT 20-30 minutes after he ingests it, as in the medicine will only be able to kill the fungus when it is EXCRETED through the pores of head. WTF.
~~~~~~
Thanks for all the messages of concern, he's fine & the medicine, while icky will start to do its work soon.
We hope.
A few minutes later, G's distinctive ringtone woke me again. When I picked up, I could barely understand what he was saying. Something about the school nurse, Little Bro, school policy, blah blah, something something.- I was foggy.
I broke into a cold sweat, however, when he said, "he needs to be picked up from school & taken to the doctor."
Worried that he was puking again, I sat bolt upright, only to lay back down with a groan when G. clarified, no, no, the RINGWORM he picked up at the school playground (over a MONTH ago) had flared up again and his teacher who had been "keeping an eye on it" had sent him to the nurse; who called us, to come get him... because school policy is to have ringworm sites covered...but they can't cover his because it's on his head...and hats are against the dress code. Um, ok.
In any case, nurse tells me (once I roll out of bed & trundle down to the school, which No is not anywhere close
to our house; in a different district, in fact), that I should probably take him a doctor, because he's probably contagious. Awesome.
Long story short: I call his worker, for a reccomendstion, since both little Bro & Big Bro were treated at the shelter for the ringworm infection (not caused by actual worms or anything, just a nasty fungus). Recommended doc doesn't have them on file, can't see Little Bro without an intake, no intakes until Tuesday. Set up intake, go to plan B- Urgent Care. Little Bro needs meds ASAP, as I am NOT keeping him home Monday and Tuesday for some stupid ringworm.
We hit up the local Urgent Care clinic where Little Bro & I wait forever, but are rewarded for our patience with 2 suckers and a cute doctor, respectively.
Back to our end of town to drop of the prescription, late lunch, then BACK down to the school to pick up Big Bro, who of course has no idea anything's amiss.
Chatted with the nurse again, who still seemed miffed about what to do about the while school policy issue; although I'd dearly love to see her try to tape a bandage to his curly head!
The kicker is that the treatment for ringworm is typically a steroidal ointment of some kind, BUT BECAUSE his spot is on his head, it's not effective and he has to take a syrup. Which, in order for the medicine to be most effective, he has to BREAK A SWEAT 20-30 minutes after he ingests it, as in the medicine will only be able to kill the fungus when it is EXCRETED through the pores of head. WTF.
~~~~~~
Thanks for all the messages of concern, he's fine & the medicine, while icky will start to do its work soon.
We hope.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Roller coaster
Today was a roller coaster of behavior.
Thursday is library day & the past two times we've been, The Boys have behaved admirably well. Today was a hellscape in comparison.
The low point was Little Bro dodging me in the book stacks, chortling with glee at getting away from me. I now know what it's like to blush from shame under a librarian's disapproving eye. Oy.
Shortly after we got home, we had a visit from a new therapist for the Boys.
Yeah. That went well. Like they ate jumping beans before he got there.
They wouldn't sit still, wouldn't answer his questions, were generally awful.
He was all, "are they on any meds?"
Ha! Does it look like they are?!
Good luck to him, hope he can get past their wildness.
After that double loop of bad behavior, I fixed dinner, did their chores without issue (emptying dishwasher & taking out trash), had a lovely dinner, homework went smoothly (tie for Homework Champion!). Yay!
Then came bath time, which started as soccer time in the front yard. We got finished with homework early, so I let them play outside for a bit. All jolly good fun, until they refused to come in.
And when I did chase them into the house, proceeded to shriek and run in circles. And shriek some more.
Then, despite my best intentions about not raising my voice today, I did. Boy did I. I hollered & grabbed blindly for elbows to haul a kid, any kid to the bathroom.
I have never so badly wanted to paddle a kid, as I did in those moments. But we're not allowed to (and honestly, it's a good thing- it would have been out of pure anger). So I yelled instead. It got them in the shower, but left me sagging in exhaustion & horror at my own anger.
~~~
As we were wrapping up shower time, a dear neighbor friend stopped by to say hi & meet the boys.
And of course they were LOVELY to her, giving parting hugs and the whole nine yards.
Once I got them into bed, read a story, got hugs kisses, gave drinks of water, etc, and then gave them my ultimatum.
No getting out of bed, or no special lunch for school in the morning.
10 minutes later, they were up.
I let Greg put them back to bed. I cracked open a new bottle of wine.
Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day.
Thursday is library day & the past two times we've been, The Boys have behaved admirably well. Today was a hellscape in comparison.
The low point was Little Bro dodging me in the book stacks, chortling with glee at getting away from me. I now know what it's like to blush from shame under a librarian's disapproving eye. Oy.
Shortly after we got home, we had a visit from a new therapist for the Boys.
Yeah. That went well. Like they ate jumping beans before he got there.
They wouldn't sit still, wouldn't answer his questions, were generally awful.
He was all, "are they on any meds?"
Ha! Does it look like they are?!
Good luck to him, hope he can get past their wildness.
After that double loop of bad behavior, I fixed dinner, did their chores without issue (emptying dishwasher & taking out trash), had a lovely dinner, homework went smoothly (tie for Homework Champion!). Yay!
Then came bath time, which started as soccer time in the front yard. We got finished with homework early, so I let them play outside for a bit. All jolly good fun, until they refused to come in.
And when I did chase them into the house, proceeded to shriek and run in circles. And shriek some more.
Then, despite my best intentions about not raising my voice today, I did. Boy did I. I hollered & grabbed blindly for elbows to haul a kid, any kid to the bathroom.
I have never so badly wanted to paddle a kid, as I did in those moments. But we're not allowed to (and honestly, it's a good thing- it would have been out of pure anger). So I yelled instead. It got them in the shower, but left me sagging in exhaustion & horror at my own anger.
~~~
As we were wrapping up shower time, a dear neighbor friend stopped by to say hi & meet the boys.
And of course they were LOVELY to her, giving parting hugs and the whole nine yards.
Once I got them into bed, read a story, got hugs kisses, gave drinks of water, etc, and then gave them my ultimatum.
No getting out of bed, or no special lunch for school in the morning.
10 minutes later, they were up.
I let Greg put them back to bed. I cracked open a new bottle of wine.
Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Wisdom from Mr. Greg
Mind tricks for bedtime (via FB):
"If you ask them who's going in the shower, they point at each other. Ask who wants to be Shower Champion and they fight each other to get to the bathroom."
(Totally worked!)
"If you ask them who's going in the shower, they point at each other. Ask who wants to be Shower Champion and they fight each other to get to the bathroom."
(Totally worked!)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Adorable
Almost without fail, Little Bro will proclaim a new dish delicious, or as he says, "da-LISH-us!!"
It's adorable.
So far, he has proclaimed:
Avacado
Chocolate-banana smoothies
Stir Fry
Waffles
all delicious. Love it.
.
It's adorable.
So far, he has proclaimed:
Avacado
Chocolate-banana smoothies
Stir Fry
Waffles
all delicious. Love it.
.
Picturesque
This afternoon (Monday) after school, the boys & I built tents in the backyard.
I raided the linen closet for old sheets & blankets and gave them a bunch of stick, props, string & freedom.
~~~~~~~~~~
What the picture below does not capture is the frustration of Big Bro to build anything, the adorable elation of little bro & my own "assistance" in rigging up the triple tent monstrosity.
In fact, the 15 minutes of quiet, peace and enjoyment they got out of the tent was surrounded by griping, whining, wheedling, & major pouting.
It seems we have to work So. Hard. to get to something good, something worth remembering. I wonder if it's worth it.
Truth be told, I sent them outside to play, so I could sit in the living room- alone. I watched them "go fish" in a bucket of water. Then add bubbles to the water. Then fight over the bubble maker (that's where the tent idea came in). It seems to hard for them to just be; it's certainly hard for me to let them be who they are. I want them to be: better behaved, less whiny (omg the whining), less demanding, & generally, quieter.
But we learned in training that you have to love them where they are, not where your expectation of them is...Lord knows, the two are sometimes very far apart.
EDITED UPON FURTHER REFLECTION: of course the weird thing here, is that the boys are so outgoing and don't fit with MY concept of what a"traumatized child" should look like that I often forget that they are with us for a reason...& therefore shouldn't be as irked as I am by some of their behaviors. Works in progress, all of us.
I raided the linen closet for old sheets & blankets and gave them a bunch of stick, props, string & freedom.
~~~~~~~~~~
What the picture below does not capture is the frustration of Big Bro to build anything, the adorable elation of little bro & my own "assistance" in rigging up the triple tent monstrosity.
In fact, the 15 minutes of quiet, peace and enjoyment they got out of the tent was surrounded by griping, whining, wheedling, & major pouting.
It seems we have to work So. Hard. to get to something good, something worth remembering. I wonder if it's worth it.
Truth be told, I sent them outside to play, so I could sit in the living room- alone. I watched them "go fish" in a bucket of water. Then add bubbles to the water. Then fight over the bubble maker (that's where the tent idea came in). It seems to hard for them to just be; it's certainly hard for me to let them be who they are. I want them to be: better behaved, less whiny (omg the whining), less demanding, & generally, quieter.
But we learned in training that you have to love them where they are, not where your expectation of them is...Lord knows, the two are sometimes very far apart.
EDITED UPON FURTHER REFLECTION: of course the weird thing here, is that the boys are so outgoing and don't fit with MY concept of what a"traumatized child" should look like that I often forget that they are with us for a reason...& therefore shouldn't be as irked as I am by some of their behaviors. Works in progress, all of us.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Rant Ahead: Zombie mornings
I do not understand how little boys can wake up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning so they can play the Wii but not manage to get out of bed at 7:30 on a school day! They were like zombies, moaning, groaning, drooling....
It was so frustrating! And then Little Bro had the GALL to fake big crocodile tears in the bathroom when I told him to wash his face and brush his teeth!
We were more than 10 minutes late to school today. Which means at the boys' school that is SO late that the "hey you're tardy come in and sign your kids in" sign has already been taken in... That is EMBARRASSINGLY late.
I do NOT know what to do about getting these kids out of bed in the morning. Any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure that a taser would be a violation of DHS policy. So, I'm thinking bullhorn.
It was so frustrating! And then Little Bro had the GALL to fake big crocodile tears in the bathroom when I told him to wash his face and brush his teeth!
We were more than 10 minutes late to school today. Which means at the boys' school that is SO late that the "hey you're tardy come in and sign your kids in" sign has already been taken in... That is EMBARRASSINGLY late.
I do NOT know what to do about getting these kids out of bed in the morning. Any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure that a taser would be a violation of DHS policy. So, I'm thinking bullhorn.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sunday Funday
Even on our "day of rest", the boys are active. Today we went to church (they are loving LifeKids- even if the name tag stickers prove a temptation to acting out by sticking them on each others' faces...sigh. 2 steps forward, 1 step back I guess.
After church, we had a quick lunch at McDonalds, then swung by Lowes to pick up some flowers & potting soil- Earth Day, ya know.
After we got home, they boys did some crafts- painting their Dollar Tree piggy banks (part of last night's allowance spree) & doing one of those melty bead things (which they of course broke 10 minutes later in a fight over candy)..
After that they wanted to help Greg build a potting bench (that he'd been promising me for forever). As he pulled tools & scrap lumber out of the garage, they chased each other with the water hose until they were both soaked. After that, I let them wash the cars, which was the MOST FUN EVER.
Then we trooped in the house for quiet time (coloring) & Veggie Tales; tgen chicken strips, bath (now graduated to showers) & "Cat in the Hat Comes Back"- small argument about whether it was "came back" or "comes back". Big Bro was adamant it was the former, despite the cover of the book.
I loved that the boys spent all day running in & out of the house; doors & windows open; flip flops on & shirts off; shrieking in the sunshine, sleeping hard & fast by the moonlight.
After church, we had a quick lunch at McDonalds, then swung by Lowes to pick up some flowers & potting soil- Earth Day, ya know.
After we got home, they boys did some crafts- painting their Dollar Tree piggy banks (part of last night's allowance spree) & doing one of those melty bead things (which they of course broke 10 minutes later in a fight over candy)..
After that they wanted to help Greg build a potting bench (that he'd been promising me for forever). As he pulled tools & scrap lumber out of the garage, they chased each other with the water hose until they were both soaked. After that, I let them wash the cars, which was the MOST FUN EVER.
Then we trooped in the house for quiet time (coloring) & Veggie Tales; tgen chicken strips, bath (now graduated to showers) & "Cat in the Hat Comes Back"- small argument about whether it was "came back" or "comes back". Big Bro was adamant it was the former, despite the cover of the book.
I loved that the boys spent all day running in & out of the house; doors & windows open; flip flops on & shirts off; shrieking in the sunshine, sleeping hard & fast by the moonlight.
Mowing the grass
Little Bro, who I'm afraid is becoming my favorite-largely for his willingness to help, in contrast to his elder brother's resistance to do anything that is not his idea- helped me mow the grass on Saturday.
It's another maintenance item that has fallen off considerably since the boys arrived in our lives. Combined with the twin impediments of rain & sinus infections (for BOTH G. & I now), the result was a veritable jungle of lawn.
Little Bro watched with fascination as I filled the gas tank, checked the oil, & tried to start it.
After calling Greg to start the damn thing (it was clogged from previous mowing adventures), we took off.
He pushed with all his might and I hung off the side of the handle trying to ensure some semblance of a straight line.
Up and down the rows, up and down. We waved at passing cars, smiled at neighbors walking the dogs on the early afternoon warmth and grunted as we swung into the corners.
He bent his head in concentration, pushing with all his might, trusting me to guide the mower.
A simple chore, but based on the smile that split his face as I high-fived him,
a memorable accomplishment.
It's another maintenance item that has fallen off considerably since the boys arrived in our lives. Combined with the twin impediments of rain & sinus infections (for BOTH G. & I now), the result was a veritable jungle of lawn.
Little Bro watched with fascination as I filled the gas tank, checked the oil, & tried to start it.
After calling Greg to start the damn thing (it was clogged from previous mowing adventures), we took off.
He pushed with all his might and I hung off the side of the handle trying to ensure some semblance of a straight line.
Up and down the rows, up and down. We waved at passing cars, smiled at neighbors walking the dogs on the early afternoon warmth and grunted as we swung into the corners.
He bent his head in concentration, pushing with all his might, trusting me to guide the mower.
A simple chore, but based on the smile that split his face as I high-fived him,
a memorable accomplishment.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Shoe Shopping
Today after school, I made a brave foray into the wild world of shoe shopping, for the boys.
We hit up JCPenny for some summer flip-flops & some new sneakers. Lord bless the sales guy who put up with us trying on half the shoes on the shelves!
Eventually we picked out a pair of slip-on Vans for Little Bro (yay no laces!) & some cool lace up Vans with blue accents for Big Bro.
Since we were buying them on a limited DHS voucher (provided specifically for purchasing clothes & shoes), I needed to max it out, so we went upstairs to the boys department.
The boys of course bee-lined for the display of "Avengers" shirts (with toy!).
I plopped them on the floor, with my iPhone to watch PBS Kids videos, while I looked around some more.
As I browsed, the sales gal asked her usual, "Do you need any help?" then, hesitantly, "Are you their worker?", glancing at the boys, happily engrossed in their movie.
"Their foster mom", I replied, shyly.
Then, unexpectedly, "I-- I'm actually the one who called Protective Services on their [situation]."
Dumbstruck, I could only nod, as she spilled the details of the worst day of my boys' life.
Although she had called DHS because she was concerned about the welfare of two small boys, it sent them spiraling into upheaval & trauma, hurtling straight into our lives, into our arms.
It was a surreal moment, & all I could do was manage to thank her & to assure her that they were doing well.
In a daze, I let the boys get the silly the Avengers' shirt/toy combo and herded
them both downstairs to pay for the lot of it; grateful for the chance to get them
what they need, and some of what can make them happy again.
We hit up JCPenny for some summer flip-flops & some new sneakers. Lord bless the sales guy who put up with us trying on half the shoes on the shelves!
Eventually we picked out a pair of slip-on Vans for Little Bro (yay no laces!) & some cool lace up Vans with blue accents for Big Bro.
Since we were buying them on a limited DHS voucher (provided specifically for purchasing clothes & shoes), I needed to max it out, so we went upstairs to the boys department.
The boys of course bee-lined for the display of "Avengers" shirts (with toy!).
I plopped them on the floor, with my iPhone to watch PBS Kids videos, while I looked around some more.
As I browsed, the sales gal asked her usual, "Do you need any help?" then, hesitantly, "Are you their worker?", glancing at the boys, happily engrossed in their movie.
"Their foster mom", I replied, shyly.
Then, unexpectedly, "I-- I'm actually the one who called Protective Services on their [situation]."
Dumbstruck, I could only nod, as she spilled the details of the worst day of my boys' life.
Although she had called DHS because she was concerned about the welfare of two small boys, it sent them spiraling into upheaval & trauma, hurtling straight into our lives, into our arms.
It was a surreal moment, & all I could do was manage to thank her & to assure her that they were doing well.
In a daze, I let the boys get the silly the Avengers' shirt/toy combo and herded
them both downstairs to pay for the lot of it; grateful for the chance to get them
what they need, and some of what can make them happy again.
17 Days with The Boys
Due to DHS regulations, I cannot share any identifying information about our foster children on this blog (i.e. no proper names, identifying pictures or other information).
I think these pics of their bedroom illustrate the past two and a half weeks well.
Below: Day before they arrived; room styled to perfection.
What I can tell you is this: they are brothers, ages 6 & 8, about a year and a half apart, but only 1 year in school apart. They are friendly, active, exhuburant and delightful (most of the time).
They are also stubborn, have selective hearing and are far too clever for their own good (like most boys their age, I suppose).
I call them Big Bro and Little Bro on the blog.
They are different in their own ways, too of course.
Big Bro is shyer when meeting strangers, has more of a 'wall' up when being disciplined, glowers when displeased and has a slow smile when amused.
Little Bro is more gregarious with strangers, has deep dimples and his whole face splits into a grin when he laughs (which is often); when he's mad/sad/displeased/any negative emotion, he pouts. It's a rather impressive full body pout, though: whole body goes stiff, head drops and his bottom lip sticks waaaaay out.
Although they are African-American, the oldest has a 'white' sounding name. The younger has a very steriotypically black first name, but actually goes by his middle name, which is more 'white' sounding. Sometimes I wonder which name he will choose to use as he gets older.
The DHS workers tell us we are extremely lucky to have kids like these. It's their first placement and their situation was one of neglect, not abuse. And while they are not suffering from major physical trauma, they have behaviors and issues of their own.
It doesn't feel like we're lucky; they are a lot of work- they are so energetic that it's all Greg and I can do to collapse on the couch after we herd them into bed. And, from what we can tell, their home life was very unstructured (no formal bedtime, no chores, etc). So we are having to put into place those kinds of structures while also dealing with their energy, attitudes, feelings of abandonment, etc. Frankly my dear, it's exhausting.
We've had them for 17 days. 17 hilarious, chaotic, frustrating, joyful days.
Below: Day before they arrived; room styled to perfection.
Aaaaaand: This morning. Yup, two boys live here.
World's Most Embarassing Afternoon, a sequel to World's Worst Morning
After the Vomitus Morning of Doom, I came home from the the university where I teach to relieve Greg of his childcare duties (work from home flexibility, what what!).
That morning's excitement had been compounded by the fact that I myself did not feel good having been diagnosed with sinitus (or hateful sinuses) the day before.
That afternoon, after Little Bro had woken up and declared himself "feeling better now!" and we'd read together on the couch (awwww) and downloaded some new educational iPad apps, I laid for a nap, and set the alarm for an hour, which would have given me a good 20 minutes to get out the door to pick up Big Bro from school.
Two hours later, my phone rings, waking me and Little Bro, who's also fallen asleep, up with a start. It's the principal of the school, who sweetly asks if I intend on picking Big Bro up? Well, better hurry because the staff leaves in 15 minutes (which is bullshit, by the way; Extended Day staff is there till 6).
I apologize profusely, attempt to explain, apologize again and tell her I'm on my way.
Little Bro is stretching and pulling a blanket over his head as I tell him to get up (ack! get up!), so I pick him up (all 50+ pounds and almost 4 feet of him) and haul it to the car.
We careen into the school parking lot for the 2nd time that day, pick up Big Bro & hightail it back home, where I let them eat crackers on the new sofa and play on the iPad for the rest of the afternoon.
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