Harrowing

Visits with the Boy's mother are difficult for me. Moreso, I thought, than for the Boys themselves.

In OKDHS training, we talked a lot about how difficult it might be to let the children have visits with their parents, who have hurt them- emotionally or physically;  how it would be difficult to deal with the emotional aftermath of kids who feel abandoned all over again, when the visit is over.  But training also emphasized that it is the child's right to see their parent, regardless of how we might feel, although visitation can look a lot of different ways- some visits may need to be supervised by DHS staff and others can be unsupervised in the foster home, or even overnight visits.

Yesterday (Monday) was our first in-home visit.

About 10 minutes before the visit, I talked to Mom, clarifying directions, and she let me know that she was bringing two of the Boys' little cousins- about their same age.

Great.

Normally, the Boys get kind of hyper when a new person comes over, much less cousins they haven't seen in who knows how long. Plus, her bringing cousins totally defeats the purpose of quality time with Mom.

The visit went something like this:
Joyous hugs!
Play outside!
Assault pizza delivery guy!
Eat dinner standing up/dancing around!
Ransack room/toy chest!
Race back outside for more bubbles/soccer/jump rope!
Play Play Play

After a bit, mean Miss Vicki has to break up the fun because Boys still haven't done homework/bath.


The the roundup and separation, like excitable calfs.... hysterical giggling/chasing...

And...

....a sudden, sobbing meltdown from...Big Brother. Which was heartbreaking, as he's not typically the "sensitive"  one, Little Bro is. 

And in the most touching act of kindness, I've ever seen from an 8 year old, Sassy Girl Cousin knelt down to hug and comfort prone, crying Big Bro. Reassuring him that she'd see him again soon and listing off all the cool things about his life (awesome bunk beds, neat dog, etc).

But Big Bro would not be comforted; he lay sobbing as if his heart would break, as the Cousins and Mom left. 

.....

Normally, the Boys are nonplussed when visits are over.  But having Mom in HIS space must have triggered Big Bro (and I'm sure the cousins didn't help). 

All I could do was scoop him up (not that an 8 year old is very scoopable), hug him, get him a drink of water and rub his back. And slowly return to center, to routine: homework, shower, teeth, bedtime story. 

And although they resisted (like usual), they were both asleep shortly after turning off the lights, perhaps even more quickly and more desperately than usual.