I felt that it was important to have a visit ON Mother's Day, to let the boys have that time with their real mother, to at least pretend that things were normal.
But of course, that fact that I helped them make the gift (DIY sugar scrub) and had the card for them to sign and arranged the visit, didn't make things more normal, it made them less so.
It was confusing for us all as to who to give the school-made gifts. Labeled: "To Momma" but for "both of you... you can share it", from savvy Big Bro.
It was bittersweet, to be included in Mother's Day accolades via social media and greetings of "Happy Mother's Day!" with knowing smiles in the halls of LifeKids, as we herded the Boys towards Sunday School.
And then, frankly, it was terrible to sit through child dedications at church and want to have them up on the stage, dedicating ourselves to raising them in our spiritual tradition. We do our best in the time that we have them, but knowing that we don't get to keep them for always, made me very sad.
After church, it was awkward to wait for Her to bring them back to us (we've now progressed to her taking them on short jaunts), so that we could load up and go visit OUR family.
It was painful to see them ferociously hug their Momma and Littlest Brother (age: 3) and try to take him with us.
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Still, I don't really know how to feel about the whole Mother's Day experience. While I am a mother according to the State of Oklahoma and act as one every day, the Mother's Day pageantry still felt like it belonged to other people, those moms, over there, the one's who've been doing it from day 1.
As I wrote in my greeting cards to my own mother, I've always know what a good parent looked like, but I understand what a difficult proposition it is to be one, day in and out.
I have so much respect for moms who do this parenting thing: the best way they know how, with or without a partner, through good days and bad days. Much love and admiration to all the moms.
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