... a sweet sorrow, it's true. It's also bittersweet. And freeing. And heartbreaking. All at the same time.
Big Bro and Little Bro went home to their Momma's house today. For good.
~~~~~
I've tried to write this post twice now, in anticipation of their departure-- slated as 5/29 from the day we picked them up from the shelter. But as their departure was delayed, and delayed again- things got tense. I was stressed to the max- trying to keep all their clothes clean so we could pack at any moment, use up all the 'kid' food and then scramble for something else to feed them when the days came and went. Try to act like things are normal, do our normal routine, while waiting for the phone to ring from the case worker. That post was entitled "Tightrope".
Previous to that I chronicled the steps leading to the waiting game: worker visits in our home, discussions about 'bridging' with Mom, trips to visit the kids' lawyers, having to reschedule the therapist because I honestly don't know who's house they are going to be at on X date. That post was entitled, rather clinically, "Reunification."
~~~~~
But when it came down to it. Today. I was trepidtious. Not knowing how I would feel. Glad to get my house back? Sad to see them go? Weirdly thrilled to be rid of the fighting, the tantrums, the drama?
Yes. But as I packed their clothes, their toys, their gifted CD player, their basketball and tiny toothbrushes, I was overwhelmingly sad.
And as they clamored to know "Is it time to go yet?!", sadder.
And as Little Bro said, enthusiastically, honestly, "I been wantin' to get out of here for awhile!", gut-punched.
~~~~~~~
I do my best, but there's no denying that these boys want their Mom, they miss her and as much fun as we have here- bikes! pool! cookouts!- we are not 'home'.
I recently saw a blurb (probably on Pinterest) that said "Home is wherever Momma is" and at the time, I thought, "Well, not always."
But I think it's true, even for--especially for-- kids in OKDHS custody. We were fortunate that The Boys' Momma is good people. She's young and she made a mistake that got her kids taken away from her. But, unlike some people in the system, she desperately wants them back. And has done everything the courts have asked her to do in order to make that a reality.
Fortunately, she is open to "Bridging" which is a fancy DHS term that basically means staying in touch. We plan to see them soon- have to take their bikes to them tonite- and hope to stay involved in their lives in the coming weeks and months.
~~~~~~~
As we stuff Mom's small car full of the books, clothes, games, toys, balls, shoes, etc. that they aquired in the 9 weeks they've been with us, I have to conciously step back to let Her repremand the boys as they squabble over who gets to sit in the front seat. I'm not in charge any more.
As they back out of our driveway, I can see Big Bro waving from the backseat. Little Bro rolls down the window and shouts, adorably, "See you later, alligator!" I will miss their silly antics.
As they drive out of sight, I step into a suddenly quiet house and walk unempeaded to my office to sit down and write this post, which is entitled "Parting is such sweet sorrow." Because it is both sweet- they are going home with Momma, to a new house, a new beginning- and sorrowful-- they aren't here with me anymore. But mostly, I am grateful for a successful first placement and look forward to the next.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Summer Reading Program
We trundled down to our neighborhood library yesterday and got signed up for the summer reading program.
The boys were not impressed. Until they learned there were PRIZES.
Then they were all about it.
The first prize level is 8 books read, & Big Bro of course picked out 8 book. So he could "win". Hehe.
I'm so glad they are into it, I always loved the summer reading program.
Did you?
The boys were not impressed. Until they learned there were PRIZES.
Then they were all about it.
The first prize level is 8 books read, & Big Bro of course picked out 8 book. So he could "win". Hehe.
I'm so glad they are into it, I always loved the summer reading program.
Did you?
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
A Parenting Breakthrough
Memorial Day- a day for remembrance, family time, & excessive fun times.
We spent a couple of hours at the pool, along with half the neighborhood, which was lots of fun.
Then we headed to a cookout! The boys all watched some vintage Silver Surfer while I cut up a watermelon. Little Bro even fell asleep while They were waiting on me. Which, honestly, should have been a clue.
The party was great- lots of good food, kids to play with and Blue Moon beer on tap. The Boys however, took a bit to warm up- a mixture of tired from swimming and overwhelmed by new people.
But they soon got acclimated and were eating hotdogs and shooting water guns with the rest of the kids in no time.
Around 7:30, however, things started to fall apart (and not just for us).
It started with a terrifying scream from one of our friend's little boys.
As I, and every other parent, whipped our heads up to see what was the matter, Little Friend stood screaming and crying, with his finger pointed at Big Bro, as a water cannon fell to the ground from atop the jungle gym.
Big Brother looked slightly smug.
Long story short: he had ripped the toys from Little Friend's hand and thrown it to the ground, then refused to apologize for it (protesting that he had done it because Little Friend's momma had told him it was time to go) and then in the car home, where I was trying to find out if he'd followed through on his apology, back talked me like nobody's business.
Which of course is a major 'button' for me.
Here's where I had the breakthrough.
~~~
We were cruising down Peoria, headed home and as he continued to protest that he didn't need to apologize, I pulled the car over, put on the hazards and slammed on the e-brake.
Then I took a deep breath, turned around and quietly told him he was in big trouble and what for.
Then I acknowledged that I was very angry and that we wold have to wait until we got home to continue this discussion and talk about consequences.
The drive home was rather quiet after that.
~~~
And that's what we did. We sat down and had a good discussion about obedience, treating others they way you want to be treated, etc. And then, since he's old enough to understand 'consequences', asked for his opinion on his consequence. Of course he picked the worst thing he could think of- no bike riding- but since I for SURE don't want to take away physical activity outlets- we amended that to no Wii. And he's going to have to call and follow through on the apology.
But all of this was done with no shouting (well, maybe a bit before I pulled the car over) and a good discussion, with both G and I present.
Seeing as this is the 2nd time he's pulled a 3 peat of behaviors in as few days, I'm not convinced that Big Bro is going to win any awards for obedience any time soon, but we're working on it.
And I certainly am glad that my blood pressure is staying calmer, even as Big Bro continues to push my buttons.
~~~
What do you think about my breakthrough (discipline w/o shouting)? have you ever pulled the car over to address a misbehaving child? What are other techniques for addressing disobedience?
We spent a couple of hours at the pool, along with half the neighborhood, which was lots of fun.
Then we headed to a cookout! The boys all watched some vintage Silver Surfer while I cut up a watermelon. Little Bro even fell asleep while They were waiting on me. Which, honestly, should have been a clue.
The party was great- lots of good food, kids to play with and Blue Moon beer on tap. The Boys however, took a bit to warm up- a mixture of tired from swimming and overwhelmed by new people.
But they soon got acclimated and were eating hotdogs and shooting water guns with the rest of the kids in no time.
Around 7:30, however, things started to fall apart (and not just for us).
It started with a terrifying scream from one of our friend's little boys.
As I, and every other parent, whipped our heads up to see what was the matter, Little Friend stood screaming and crying, with his finger pointed at Big Bro, as a water cannon fell to the ground from atop the jungle gym.
Big Brother looked slightly smug.
Long story short: he had ripped the toys from Little Friend's hand and thrown it to the ground, then refused to apologize for it (protesting that he had done it because Little Friend's momma had told him it was time to go) and then in the car home, where I was trying to find out if he'd followed through on his apology, back talked me like nobody's business.
Which of course is a major 'button' for me.
Here's where I had the breakthrough.
~~~
We were cruising down Peoria, headed home and as he continued to protest that he didn't need to apologize, I pulled the car over, put on the hazards and slammed on the e-brake.
Then I took a deep breath, turned around and quietly told him he was in big trouble and what for.
Then I acknowledged that I was very angry and that we wold have to wait until we got home to continue this discussion and talk about consequences.
The drive home was rather quiet after that.
~~~
And that's what we did. We sat down and had a good discussion about obedience, treating others they way you want to be treated, etc. And then, since he's old enough to understand 'consequences', asked for his opinion on his consequence. Of course he picked the worst thing he could think of- no bike riding- but since I for SURE don't want to take away physical activity outlets- we amended that to no Wii. And he's going to have to call and follow through on the apology.
But all of this was done with no shouting (well, maybe a bit before I pulled the car over) and a good discussion, with both G and I present.
Seeing as this is the 2nd time he's pulled a 3 peat of behaviors in as few days, I'm not convinced that Big Bro is going to win any awards for obedience any time soon, but we're working on it.
And I certainly am glad that my blood pressure is staying calmer, even as Big Bro continues to push my buttons.
~~~
What do you think about my breakthrough (discipline w/o shouting)? have you ever pulled the car over to address a misbehaving child? What are other techniques for addressing disobedience?
Monday, May 28, 2012
Pool time!
Our neighborhood pool opened this weekend!
Our house is a short bike ride away, so we gathered up our towels, snacks, goggles, & bikes and headed down to the pool.
We spent several hours chillin out, maxin' relaxin'....it was nice.
The boys aren't swimmers yet per se, but they are getting more comfortable in the water. I'm teaching them how to kick & blow bubbles with their faces in the water.
Good times...Think we'll do it again today!
Our house is a short bike ride away, so we gathered up our towels, snacks, goggles, & bikes and headed down to the pool.
We spent several hours chillin out, maxin' relaxin'....it was nice.
The boys aren't swimmers yet per se, but they are getting more comfortable in the water. I'm teaching them how to kick & blow bubbles with their faces in the water.
Good times...Think we'll do it again today!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
My favorite part
After a long day of swimming, eating, terrorizing dinner guests & drowning GI Joes in the tub, the Boys listen raptly to their bedtime story.
It doesn't seem to matter what kind of day they've had: good behavior, bad behavior, tantrums, saintliness- both the boys are silent &engaged when it's time for the 3 of us to cuddle up on the bottom bunk and read.
It's my favorite part of the day.
It doesn't seem to matter what kind of day they've had: good behavior, bad behavior, tantrums, saintliness- both the boys are silent &engaged when it's time for the 3 of us to cuddle up on the bottom bunk and read.
It's my favorite part of the day.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Nalgene Incident
Silly things happen when you ask children to perform simple tasks.
Take one day when I asked Big Brother to go get my big red Nalgene water bottle from the front porch (where it'd been keeping me company on bike observation duty).
After he disapeared around the courner of the kitchen, I immediately forgot about him. Which was a mistake.
A few minutes later, I heard a 'thunk' and Big Brother appeared, with water dripping down his face, and asked for a towel.
I thought he'd had tried to drink from it and splashed water on his face. Uh, no.
Turns out, he had dropped the Nalgene bottle on the way in, because he'd been CARRYING WITH A PAIR OF UTILITY SCISSORS and splashed the water all over the hall.
And after he came back for a 3rd hand towel, I went to look and 'splash' was an understatement.
The water was everywhere: puddled on the floor, splashed on the door frames, baseboards, AND WALLS to nearly the ceiling.
It was impressive.
A bath towel took care of the majority of the dampness, and I think that Big Bro's chagrin turned to relief when I started laughing at the "splash zone."
I'm just glad we didn't also have to clean up shards of broken water bottle; hooray for Nalgene!
Take one day when I asked Big Brother to go get my big red Nalgene water bottle from the front porch (where it'd been keeping me company on bike observation duty).
After he disapeared around the courner of the kitchen, I immediately forgot about him. Which was a mistake.
A few minutes later, I heard a 'thunk' and Big Brother appeared, with water dripping down his face, and asked for a towel.
I thought he'd had tried to drink from it and splashed water on his face. Uh, no.
Turns out, he had dropped the Nalgene bottle on the way in, because he'd been CARRYING WITH A PAIR OF UTILITY SCISSORS and splashed the water all over the hall.
And after he came back for a 3rd hand towel, I went to look and 'splash' was an understatement.
The water was everywhere: puddled on the floor, splashed on the door frames, baseboards, AND WALLS to nearly the ceiling.
It was impressive.
A bath towel took care of the majority of the dampness, and I think that Big Bro's chagrin turned to relief when I started laughing at the "splash zone."
I'm just glad we didn't also have to clean up shards of broken water bottle; hooray for Nalgene!
Summer is upon us
I have very good intentions of keeping to a semblance of a schedule in this post-school existence.
Day 1 went well; but we'll see how Day 2+ go...
Morning Schedule:
Read- 20-30 minutes
Journal- write/draw/doodle
Physical Exercise- bike, take Lola for a walk, soccer, walk to park, etc.
Chores- from daily list
Extra- math rocket game, flash cards, Hooked on Phonics, extra chores.
They get .25 for each task successfully completed (i.e. without excessive harranging on my part).
And, because I am an evil genius, they can spend their quarters on special treats (to the movies, to QT, etc) AND/OR on 'screen time.' Around here, it'll cost you .25 to play for 30 minutes on the computer or to play Wii. Greg thinks this a cruel; I think it's teaching them the value of money.
Plus, in the afternoons, we have other stuff to do, so it's not like they have endless hours to fill with video games.
Afternoon schedule: (via Pinterest)
Monday: Make something (arts & crafts)
Tuesday: trip to the library
Wednesday: What's Cooking?
Thursday: be Thoughtful
Friday: somewhere Fun!
So far, for What's Cooking Wednesday, we made chocolate chip cookies**.
The were proclaimed: DALICIOUS.
And today for "Be Thoughtful Thursday" we'll probably go share some with the neighbors!
I'm sure the boys would love nothings more than to ride bikes and play Wii all day, but because both of those require ME to play supervisor, I'd just as soon DO something more engaging.
~~~~~~
Did you ever have a summer schedule as a kid or made one for your child? Or is 'wild and free' more your style?
Day 1 went well; but we'll see how Day 2+ go...
Morning Schedule:
Read- 20-30 minutes
Journal- write/draw/doodle
Physical Exercise- bike, take Lola for a walk, soccer, walk to park, etc.
Chores- from daily list
Extra- math rocket game, flash cards, Hooked on Phonics, extra chores.
They get .25 for each task successfully completed (i.e. without excessive harranging on my part).
And, because I am an evil genius, they can spend their quarters on special treats (to the movies, to QT, etc) AND/OR on 'screen time.' Around here, it'll cost you .25 to play for 30 minutes on the computer or to play Wii. Greg thinks this a cruel; I think it's teaching them the value of money.
Plus, in the afternoons, we have other stuff to do, so it's not like they have endless hours to fill with video games.
Afternoon schedule: (via Pinterest)
Monday: Make something (arts & crafts)
Tuesday: trip to the library
Wednesday: What's Cooking?
Thursday: be Thoughtful
Friday: somewhere Fun!
So far, for What's Cooking Wednesday, we made chocolate chip cookies**.
The were proclaimed: DALICIOUS.
And today for "Be Thoughtful Thursday" we'll probably go share some with the neighbors!
I'm sure the boys would love nothings more than to ride bikes and play Wii all day, but because both of those require ME to play supervisor, I'd just as soon DO something more engaging.
~~~~~~
Did you ever have a summer schedule as a kid or made one for your child? Or is 'wild and free' more your style?
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