What it feels likes when you say, "oh I could never do that"

The "that" of course being fostering.

Oh, "that'd be soooo hard"

Oh, "ugh I could NEVER do that, I'd get so attached!!"

Like "it'd be so haaaaaaard"

"I'd be so saaaaad to see them go!"

No shit, Sherlock. It IS hard, it does suck, you DO get attached and yes, it rips your heart out when they leave.

But fostering is not about YOU and your emotional COMFORT, it's about being willing to be provide safety & comfort for a child whose whole world is NOT safe or comfortable.

So, please, save it- you whining about how hard it would be for YOU belittles those of us who DO. Encourage, praise, even just a "wow" would be fine, but don't wax eloquent about how you could neeeever do it, lest I be forced to school you about how selfish you sound.

*mic drop*

Not so much a lightbulb moment...

...As a slow dawning that the truth of the matter that Miss M's hellish tantrums at bedtime are not actually about wanting (or not wanting) to go to bed, they are about deviations from the standard routine.

And for her, routine = stability = love.

And denial of ANY part of this routine means obviously we don't love her.

This frustrated me to no end because we've spent the last 9 months heavily investing in her. It honestly kind of sucks that she doesn't trust that we love her without having to prove it every. single. day. and. night.

And like, no, duh- her "trust bank" is limited (because she HAS only been with us 9 months), but despite us making daily "deposits" she still gets "overdrawn" on a fairly regular basis.

Poor baby. I love her so much, but this is the part that tests us to show Love and BE grace when it's very much not natural to do so.

On crying in Panera

Last week, G & I met with Miss M's therapist at Panera for a little family update.

She had lots of nice things to say about M's progress but echoed our concerns about the visit. She told us about M's responses to the overnight visit- how frightened and anxious and almost manic she'd been in telling the therapist about the visit.

She's really scared that she's going to lose us. She said, "I just want to have 2 Daddy's and a Mommy."

I was stunned by this declaration and G teared up. She never calls us mom or dad, we're Miss Vicki and Mr. Greg, but it's incredibly touching to know that she THINKS of us that way.
Then of course, this week has been worse than normal- a week night tantrum, and two middle of the night bad dream/crying sessions (but no candy was requested!). Poor girl.

Isn't that always the way though? We renew our commitment to something and then that commitment is tested in MOST TRYING WAY POSSIBLE. Which, for me, of course means sleep disturbance, Haha.

Following our visit with the therapist, I sat down and wrote a letter to the kids' worker outlining our concerns about visitation and keeping M in her school and making sure Baby A keeps getting therapy,etc. And then, I mailed that sucker; paper = documentation, which if course is the mantra of DHS! So, we'll see what if any response that brings from the case worker.