Last week, G & I met with Miss M's therapist at Panera for a little family update.
She had lots of nice things to say about M's progress but echoed our concerns about the visit. She told us about M's responses to the overnight visit- how frightened and anxious and almost manic she'd been in telling the therapist about the visit.
She's really scared that she's going to lose us. She said, "I just want to have 2 Daddy's and a Mommy."
I was stunned by this declaration and G teared up. She never calls us mom or dad, we're Miss Vicki and Mr. Greg, but it's incredibly touching to know that she THINKS of us that way.
Then of course, this week has been worse than normal- a week night tantrum, and two middle of the night bad dream/crying sessions (but no candy was requested!). Poor girl.
Isn't that always the way though? We renew our commitment to something and then that commitment is tested in MOST TRYING WAY POSSIBLE. Which, for me, of course means sleep disturbance, Haha.
Following our visit with the therapist, I sat down and wrote a letter to the kids' worker outlining our concerns about visitation and keeping M in her school and making sure Baby A keeps getting therapy,etc. And then, I mailed that sucker; paper = documentation, which if course is the mantra of DHS! So, we'll see what if any response that brings from the case worker.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Overnights
The kiddos went for their first overnight visit with their Papi this Friday.
I was a little reluctant to let then go, but not too much. He was really excited and Miss M was up for it, so off they went.
We said they'd be back by 1 or 2 Saturdsy afternoon, which ended up being 2:30, which meant I was a little nerve wracked by the time they showed back up.
If course I quizzed M about the visit. She said it was fun, but that she woke up crying in the night, and her dad gave her a piece of candy to stop (?!).
And when I asked if she wanted to do it again next week, she was like, "mmmm, no; I just want to go play over there for a little bit and then come back here to sleep."
Hmmm. Interesting.
Last, but certainly not least, Papi took the kids to get haircuts (which we took them to get a few weeks ago, but...whatever) and Miss M came back with a bang trim and Baby A came back with a freakin buzz cut. OMG. It looks horrible. I've never seen it that short! He has a big scar on his scalp, a big "C" from the surgery he had following his abuse. With his hair long, you can't see it, with the buzz cut, it's exposed to the world.
It makes me sad; like, "yup, this is a damaged kid"- it's marked right there on his body. At least with his hair covering the scar he could "pass" for a normal toddler.
Just like we can pass for a normal family, until Miss M calls me by my first name or pipes up about what her "real" dad lets her do or not do. I just hope she doesn't get the bright idea that she needs a piece of candy when she has her next bad dream, cause THAT ain't happening!
I was a little reluctant to let then go, but not too much. He was really excited and Miss M was up for it, so off they went.
We said they'd be back by 1 or 2 Saturdsy afternoon, which ended up being 2:30, which meant I was a little nerve wracked by the time they showed back up.
If course I quizzed M about the visit. She said it was fun, but that she woke up crying in the night, and her dad gave her a piece of candy to stop (?!).
And when I asked if she wanted to do it again next week, she was like, "mmmm, no; I just want to go play over there for a little bit and then come back here to sleep."
Hmmm. Interesting.
Last, but certainly not least, Papi took the kids to get haircuts (which we took them to get a few weeks ago, but...whatever) and Miss M came back with a bang trim and Baby A came back with a freakin buzz cut. OMG. It looks horrible. I've never seen it that short! He has a big scar on his scalp, a big "C" from the surgery he had following his abuse. With his hair long, you can't see it, with the buzz cut, it's exposed to the world.
It makes me sad; like, "yup, this is a damaged kid"- it's marked right there on his body. At least with his hair covering the scar he could "pass" for a normal toddler.
Just like we can pass for a normal family, until Miss M calls me by my first name or pipes up about what her "real" dad lets her do or not do. I just hope she doesn't get the bright idea that she needs a piece of candy when she has her next bad dream, cause THAT ain't happening!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Update on Da Boys!
Yesterday, I made the trek up to the downtown DHS office, to get a replacement child care card. I misplaced mine for a WEEK, then, of course, finally found it at 11pm last night.
Anyway, I was up on the 3rd floor, the foster care floor, waiting. And I spotted a familiar face. It was Da Boys caseworker, Angela. I said flagged her down and asked about the boys.
She reported that they (DHS) had just closed the case after a 6 month follow-up period. Which means everything was good! The boys are still in their same school, doing well, receiving in-school therapy & counseling g services. They live in the same house (impressive) and their mom is even in school herself, for medical assisting. Wow. So awesome.
Since we haven't had contact with them since this summer- Mom changed her number & couldn't get the worker to return my calls (hence the accosting in the DHS lobby)- I'm not sure it would be appropriate to just pop back in their lives...but I sure want to! If only to encourage Mom and hug on those boys skinny little necks!
What do you all think? Should I call or drop by? Or just wish them well from a distance?
Anyway, I was up on the 3rd floor, the foster care floor, waiting. And I spotted a familiar face. It was Da Boys caseworker, Angela. I said flagged her down and asked about the boys.
She reported that they (DHS) had just closed the case after a 6 month follow-up period. Which means everything was good! The boys are still in their same school, doing well, receiving in-school therapy & counseling g services. They live in the same house (impressive) and their mom is even in school herself, for medical assisting. Wow. So awesome.
Since we haven't had contact with them since this summer- Mom changed her number & couldn't get the worker to return my calls (hence the accosting in the DHS lobby)- I'm not sure it would be appropriate to just pop back in their lives...but I sure want to! If only to encourage Mom and hug on those boys skinny little necks!
What do you all think? Should I call or drop by? Or just wish them well from a distance?
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Full On Toddlerhood
Baby A is walking like a fiend! From really only starting to walk independently around Chrsistmas-time, he's now walking everywhere! And we've encouraged it. I make him walk from the changing table to his high chair for morning Cheerios, out to the car to go to daycare, etc.
So, I'm like insanely proud of him for walking like a big boy, but also a little annoyed.
He follows me everywhere, which Lola (our dog) already does. So now I've got two shadows! Hehe. It's pretty cute.
We went to Ohilbrook last weekend for their free 2nd Saturday event. Miss M & I did the art projects while Greg basically followed Baby A around, as he was exploring and having a grand time toddling up and down the ramps between floors.
He did great until near the end, when he turned into a slippery eel. If we tried to direct him by holding his hand, he'd either yank it out of our grasp or just immediately melt to the floor and start crying.
After he pulled that ish 3 or 4 times in a row, I blew the whistle on the excursion and we high tailed it to the car. Game over.
Still, we made it 2 hours or so, at the museum, before we hit Meltdown City.
I'll take what I can get!
How do you deal with toddler behaviors? What other joys of toddlerhood do I have to look forward to?
So, I'm like insanely proud of him for walking like a big boy, but also a little annoyed.
He follows me everywhere, which Lola (our dog) already does. So now I've got two shadows! Hehe. It's pretty cute.
We went to Ohilbrook last weekend for their free 2nd Saturday event. Miss M & I did the art projects while Greg basically followed Baby A around, as he was exploring and having a grand time toddling up and down the ramps between floors.
He did great until near the end, when he turned into a slippery eel. If we tried to direct him by holding his hand, he'd either yank it out of our grasp or just immediately melt to the floor and start crying.
After he pulled that ish 3 or 4 times in a row, I blew the whistle on the excursion and we high tailed it to the car. Game over.
Still, we made it 2 hours or so, at the museum, before we hit Meltdown City.
I'll take what I can get!
How do you deal with toddler behaviors? What other joys of toddlerhood do I have to look forward to?
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Holidaze
Man, I tell you what- I'm plum worn out from the holidays.
I'm back at work today (12/26) and am secretly glad about it.
The holidays are rough with foster kids. Every one of the big 3 has been a absolute or near disaster.
Halloween- costumes? score. Free lions' costume for Baby A. Made a cute black cat costume for Miss M, she wore it for a week. Day of? Diaster. We went to our friend's house to Trick or Treat in their posh neighborhood and not only did we run 45 minutes late, but we only trick or treated for 30 minutes (M tripped over her own feet and spilled all of her candy no fewer than 3 times), then back at the house, she refused to eat any of the provided food and split her lip playing with the other kids upstairs. We left early.
Thanksgiving: Baby A and I were sick. Missed half of Thanksgiving dinner, due to unconsciousness. Tried to spend the night at in-laws house. Utter hell.
Miss M fell asleep on the couch and had to be moved to a bed, which woke her up; crying ensued. Baby A wouldn't sleep in his pack and play; I got up with him, got head butted for my trouble. We both cried. Packed up and went home the next morning. Everyone slept better in their own beds.
Christmas: Multiple celebrations AT OUR HOUSE (we learned from Thanksgiving)- with former foster parents, with my folks, with G's folks and by ourselves. Only one out of the four was a near disaster.
Christmas Eve was nice- had dinner and presents with the in-laws at our place- until the very end, when Miss M, who'd been under the weather all day, had a melt-down at the end of opening presents. Just completely worn out and emotional, crying for her 'real Dad'. Which was both heartbreaking... and totally inappropriate- considering he didn't even bother to pretend that he got them Christmas gifts at his last visit. Besides, as I'm figuring out, crying for her dad is really just code for: "I'm tired and emotional, please rock me."
So I did- hustled her off to bed, soothed and petted her.
Missed Baby A walking unaccompanied, but at least she got to bed (not that she STAYED THERE. Gah.) Thank God my in-laws are the kindest, most gracious people on the planet.
Calmest by FAR was on actual Christmas Day, where we stayed, just the 4 of us, in our pajamas all day, took lots of naps, and played quietly.
~~~
I understand now why parents with young kids don't leave the house very much. It's too much fucking work and trauma to go anywhere or DO anything. Please someone tell me this gets better?
Am I doing something wrong? Are most holidays hellish? Is this a foster thing? or a little kid thing?
So yeah. I'm glad to be at work, away from the noise and emotion, mess and angst of the kiddos. Bring on the year-end paperwork.
I'm back at work today (12/26) and am secretly glad about it.
The holidays are rough with foster kids. Every one of the big 3 has been a absolute or near disaster.
Halloween- costumes? score. Free lions' costume for Baby A. Made a cute black cat costume for Miss M, she wore it for a week. Day of? Diaster. We went to our friend's house to Trick or Treat in their posh neighborhood and not only did we run 45 minutes late, but we only trick or treated for 30 minutes (M tripped over her own feet and spilled all of her candy no fewer than 3 times), then back at the house, she refused to eat any of the provided food and split her lip playing with the other kids upstairs. We left early.
Thanksgiving: Baby A and I were sick. Missed half of Thanksgiving dinner, due to unconsciousness. Tried to spend the night at in-laws house. Utter hell.
Miss M fell asleep on the couch and had to be moved to a bed, which woke her up; crying ensued. Baby A wouldn't sleep in his pack and play; I got up with him, got head butted for my trouble. We both cried. Packed up and went home the next morning. Everyone slept better in their own beds.
Christmas: Multiple celebrations AT OUR HOUSE (we learned from Thanksgiving)- with former foster parents, with my folks, with G's folks and by ourselves. Only one out of the four was a near disaster.
Christmas Eve was nice- had dinner and presents with the in-laws at our place- until the very end, when Miss M, who'd been under the weather all day, had a melt-down at the end of opening presents. Just completely worn out and emotional, crying for her 'real Dad'. Which was both heartbreaking... and totally inappropriate- considering he didn't even bother to pretend that he got them Christmas gifts at his last visit. Besides, as I'm figuring out, crying for her dad is really just code for: "I'm tired and emotional, please rock me."
So I did- hustled her off to bed, soothed and petted her.
Missed Baby A walking unaccompanied, but at least she got to bed (not that she STAYED THERE. Gah.) Thank God my in-laws are the kindest, most gracious people on the planet.
Calmest by FAR was on actual Christmas Day, where we stayed, just the 4 of us, in our pajamas all day, took lots of naps, and played quietly.
~~~
I understand now why parents with young kids don't leave the house very much. It's too much fucking work and trauma to go anywhere or DO anything. Please someone tell me this gets better?
Am I doing something wrong? Are most holidays hellish? Is this a foster thing? or a little kid thing?
So yeah. I'm glad to be at work, away from the noise and emotion, mess and angst of the kiddos. Bring on the year-end paperwork.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Angel Tree with the Least of These
~crossed posted from Salvation Army Tulsa Blog~
My daughter is a 'least of these'. She's actually my foster daughter and has been in DHS custody for over a year; she and her younger brother have been with my husband and I since July of this year. They were placed with us about a week after I started my job as a grant writer here at Salvation Army. These kids are hilarious, fun, exhausting and challenging; we love it, but we are finding that we have to be very intentional about teaching them "Life Lessons,"while we can.
My husband and I have always shopped for Angels off the Angel Tree in the past, usually one for him- a boy- and one for me- a girl. This year, we have 2 little ones to buy for already, but I was loathe to give up tradition. So this year, I decided to include our foster kids.
We made it out to the Angel Tree kickoff at Promenade Mall. At age 5, Miss M (as we call her in blog-land) was unimpressed with the kickoff in general--too loud. But she did like the girls' singing group, MP3, in their matching outfits and "shiny hair."
After Kickoff, we picked out a Angel from the big tree, just her age, named "Lisbeth" and set off to pick out some gifts for "her Angel."
At first, she did a great job of picking out toys. She "ennie meenie mineie mo'd" between which Baby Alive doll 'Lisbeth' was to get- Hair Salon Baby Alive or Magic Meals Baby Alive.
Hair Salon, duh.
But she struggled a bit with stocking stuffers, as we picked out Hello Kitty stickers and pencils and Disney princess playing cards. I gently asked her if she was picking out things for herself or for Lisbeth, and she admitted they were for her. But soon we were back on the right track.
~~~~~~
Every time we added something to the bag, we would talk a little about what we were doing and why. In my own blundering, non-parental way, I tied to impress on her how it is important to share what she has, to be grateful for those who love her and that there is always someone who has less than you do.
Miss M is pretty smart, but I think the literal and logistics of the Angel Tree, may have gotten blurry during our conversations. She asked me, the day I went to take the Angel Tree bag in to work, "How will she get them {the toys}, up in Heaven?" I stifled a giggle and tried to explain that our "Angel" was a real girl, just like her, and that she needed extra toys and we were like her personal Santa! How fun!
Santa, she understood.
And boy, I felt like Santa, when I went to check in and shelve Lisbeth's Angel bag.
I walked past row after row of shelves, 3 levels high, with toy bags packed in, till I found Lisbeth's family bag.
Turns out, she's the youngest of 4 girls. And her bag was the last one to be added to the families' bag. Those lovely little girls would all get all their hearts desired, thanks to people they didn't know.
As I marked the bag tag with a big "C" for "Complete," I felt the warehouse dust prick my nose. And eyes. Lots of tear-inducing dust in the warehouse.
~~~~
And I don't know about you, but I've been near tears many times since (including today, as I wrote this post), thinking about the poor babies in Newtown, Connecticut. So close in age to Miss M and Lisbeth and so many of my friends' kids. So close to Christmas. Lodged in our hearts and the back of our throats.
But as a donor said to me this afternoon, as I took her donation for the Angel Tree over the phone, "it's the least I can do for kids in need, especially this Christmas."
So, do what you can. Shine a light in the dark. There is always someone more in need than you. Miss M can attest.
--Vicki
My daughter is a 'least of these'. She's actually my foster daughter and has been in DHS custody for over a year; she and her younger brother have been with my husband and I since July of this year. They were placed with us about a week after I started my job as a grant writer here at Salvation Army. These kids are hilarious, fun, exhausting and challenging; we love it, but we are finding that we have to be very intentional about teaching them "Life Lessons,"while we can.
My husband and I have always shopped for Angels off the Angel Tree in the past, usually one for him- a boy- and one for me- a girl. This year, we have 2 little ones to buy for already, but I was loathe to give up tradition. So this year, I decided to include our foster kids.
We made it out to the Angel Tree kickoff at Promenade Mall. At age 5, Miss M (as we call her in blog-land) was unimpressed with the kickoff in general--too loud. But she did like the girls' singing group, MP3, in their matching outfits and "shiny hair."
 |
| MP3 girls group at the Angel Tree Kickoff (11/17/12) |
After Kickoff, we picked out a Angel from the big tree, just her age, named "Lisbeth" and set off to pick out some gifts for "her Angel."
At first, she did a great job of picking out toys. She "ennie meenie mineie mo'd" between which Baby Alive doll 'Lisbeth' was to get- Hair Salon Baby Alive or Magic Meals Baby Alive.
Hair Salon, duh.
But she struggled a bit with stocking stuffers, as we picked out Hello Kitty stickers and pencils and Disney princess playing cards. I gently asked her if she was picking out things for herself or for Lisbeth, and she admitted they were for her. But soon we were back on the right track.
~~~~~~
Every time we added something to the bag, we would talk a little about what we were doing and why. In my own blundering, non-parental way, I tied to impress on her how it is important to share what she has, to be grateful for those who love her and that there is always someone who has less than you do.
 |
| M's letter to her Angel |
Miss M is pretty smart, but I think the literal and logistics of the Angel Tree, may have gotten blurry during our conversations. She asked me, the day I went to take the Angel Tree bag in to work, "How will she get them {the toys}, up in Heaven?" I stifled a giggle and tried to explain that our "Angel" was a real girl, just like her, and that she needed extra toys and we were like her personal Santa! How fun!
Santa, she understood.
And boy, I felt like Santa, when I went to check in and shelve Lisbeth's Angel bag.
I walked past row after row of shelves, 3 levels high, with toy bags packed in, till I found Lisbeth's family bag.
Turns out, she's the youngest of 4 girls. And her bag was the last one to be added to the families' bag. Those lovely little girls would all get all their hearts desired, thanks to people they didn't know.
As I marked the bag tag with a big "C" for "Complete," I felt the warehouse dust prick my nose. And eyes. Lots of tear-inducing dust in the warehouse.
~~~~
And I don't know about you, but I've been near tears many times since (including today, as I wrote this post), thinking about the poor babies in Newtown, Connecticut. So close in age to Miss M and Lisbeth and so many of my friends' kids. So close to Christmas. Lodged in our hearts and the back of our throats.
But as a donor said to me this afternoon, as I took her donation for the Angel Tree over the phone, "it's the least I can do for kids in need, especially this Christmas."
So, do what you can. Shine a light in the dark. There is always someone more in need than you. Miss M can attest.
--Vicki
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)